College Life
by u17
Summary: Spencer Carlin is straight...until she is forced to go on a date with beautiful musician Ashley
1. Chapter 2

We pull up to some club I've never been to. It looks like a piece of shit. Maddie pulls into a squeezed parking spot because for strange reason it's jam packed.

"This place is a dump," I complain, crossing my arms and not getting out of the car.

"Jesus Christ, has anyone told you that you're too picky?"

"Fuck off, no I'm not," I retort defensively. She gives me a look.

"Bitch, please."

"Okay," I amend, "I might be a little picky. But I don't want to go into some place where I'm going to get an STD just by sitting down."

"Live a little, Spencer, for God's sake."

"Alright," I huff, jumping out of the SUV.

We head into the shithole and Maddie immediately spots Adrian and Aiden. Standing with them is a pretty girl who I think I might have a class with. They wave at us when they see us coming.

"Hi, baby," Maddie greets Adrian, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, we meet again," Aiden says with a big smile. "This is Kyla, my absolutely wonderful girlfriend."

She sticks out her hand, "I think we have a class together, right?"

"Yeah," I mutter unenthusiastically, because it's just dawned on me that I'm the fifth wheel. Dammit. "So we're here to hear Ash's band?"

Kyla smiles and laughs, "Yes, but don't use the name 'Ash'. We'd have to take you to the hospital if you did. It's Ashley."

I swallow uncomfortably, I've never been a big fan of guys with girls' names. "You told me it was Ash," I say accusingly to Aiden.

"Hey, I get to use that name since we're BFFs. Ash is not a big fan of random people using the nickname."

"Okay," I grumble, feeling a bit embarrassed. An awkward silence permeates the room.

"Soooo, drinks then?" Adrian says chipperly.

"Jesus, I need one!"

"God, please!"

"Hell yes!"

I shrug. "I'm not one for getting wasted." Maddie scowls at me. "Alright, I'll have a beer."

"Okay, I'll get this round, guys," Aiden says heading towards the bar.

"I'll come with you," Adrian says, following Aiden like a little puppy. Gay, much? Kyla looks to the stage where the band seems to be setting up. Maddie pulls me into the corner.

"Lighten up," she hisses to me, "I want us to become friends with them. Branch out, ya know? And that ain't gonna happen, sweetheart, if you act like a sack of potatoes."

"Fine," I hiss back. "I'm gonna go on a date with Kyla's brother, that should help some."

"Unless you fuck it up."

"Yeah, well I can fake being interesting and cool for at least one date, so ha!" Then a thought strikes me. "Is he even single?"

"I don't know," Maddie says, not meeting my eyes. Weird. I go back to where Kyla is waving to some imaginary music.

"Hey, um, Kyla, is Ashley single?"

She looks taken aback. "Um, yeah. Hasn't had a girlfriend, in,well, forever. Why do you ask? "

Shit. I probably shouldn't let on to his sister that I'm only going asking him out as part of a bet. I try very hard to bring out my inner Glen. "Well it's just that you're so beautiful, I assume it runs in the family." I give her a flirtatious smile.

"I gotta give it to you, Ashley definitely goes for your type," she says, looking me up and down.

"Stone cold foxes, you mean?" I say, giving Maddie a look that says 'hey, I can be interesting and fun, too'.

Kyla laughs, and puts an arm around me. "Nah, blondes. Didn't think you'd play for that team, but hey, do whatever."

Why does everyone seem to think I'm not straight? I wink at her. "Oh, I definitely play for that team."

She raises her eyebrows. Perhaps that was a bit too much. "Great. I'm just going to find the band before they go on. Give them a little pep talk. See you two later."

"Bye?" I say, waving to her. Maddie gives her a strained smile and wave herself.

"What the hell was that?" she says pushing me against the wall as soon as Kyla's out of sight.

"What do you mean?" I ask, feigning confusion.

"Flirting with her?"

"Relax, it's the 21st century. Lighten up. Besides she has a boyfriend."

"Well I'm proud of you for finally acknowledging your true feelings," Maddie says with a wicked grin.

"Bitch," I gasp, "I'm straight!"

"As an arrow, right, right," she finishes sarcastically.

Before I can say anything, I hear a voice speak into the microphone. Adrian and Aiden come back with the drinks as well.

"Hello, esteemed guests! Or the trash of LA, whichever you prefer to go by. We're the Royal Fuckerzz. Our first song is gonna be sung by me, biatches. So here goes nothing. It's 'Snap Bracelet'!"

I take him in. I assume that he's Ashley. He's dressed in some sort of neon spandexy weird getup. That and his use of the word 'biatches' in a serious way seems a bit, um, _gay_. He's good looking, though, I admit it. There's a shirtless guy on the drums with a faux-hawk who I hope is not Ashley. There's got to be 50 tattoos on the guy, even some on his face. And he's wearing tight pinstriped pants. He looks like trouble. A girl with red hair plays the bass, who has obviously decided to wear some sort of gothic Lolita costume. Finally I look at the guitarist who's the only normally dressed one. She turns my way and our eyes meet. I feel my breath hitch and I can't tear my eyes away. Her eyes are beautiful shade of brown. She has her hair in curls, and there's a stripe of red. My mouth is suddenly dry.

_Oh yeah, we don't care who finds out  
Tonight is all that matters right now  
Let's go once more down to the dance floor  
Make me sell my soul for more _

The chorus tears me away from her. What the fuck was that? I force myself to focus on Ashley, who is now prancing around the stage with his guitar. Jesus Christ, he looks like an ass. I'm not looking forward to our date. But, hey, maybe we can check out guys together. Fuuun.

_Baby, let's leave them all for dead  
All those thoughts inside your head can be reality  
So let yourself believe  
I feel your body radiate in the lightning we create  
So let yourself believe_

Oh yeah, we don't care who finds out  
Tonight is all that matters right now  
Let's go once more down to the dance floor  
Make me sell my soul for more 

The song ends and everyone erupts in applause.

"Thanks guys," Ashley says. "Now I'm going to turn it over to your favorite guitarist!"

The beautiful girl that I was looking at steps forward. "Hey. This next song is called 'Stop Breathing'. Hope you enjoy."

_Before I blinked something fell next to me  
It looked like heaven but I swallowed it down  
It changed the color of my eyes  
They draw your lines and pull your feet up in time  
Stop thinking, do you think you will make it_

_Do you think you just might stop breathing  
Confession of obsession  
Hush now  
You're still breathing_

How right she is. I'm hyperventilating at this point. Oh god, the sound of her voice is making me melt. I don't know what it is. I excuse myself to the bathroom. Once I get there I splash some water on my face. "Get a hold of yourself, Spencer! She's a girl! You're straight. You like boys."

I stay in there for a while, trying to compose myself, but every time I push the door open I hear snatches of her voice. Finally I grow a pair and force myself out there.

Ashley is singing again, thank God. I try and zone out, but Maddie pulls me into the ladies room yet again.

"Why did you leave? You were gone for like half an hour."

"I, uh, had explosive diarrhea," I lie. Unconvincingly apparently, at least from the look Maddie has.

Okay, I'll try again. "I was just soo turned on by the singer." Maddie smirks at me. "He's really good looking." Her smile fades.

"Him?"

"Yeah, Ashley?"

"Oh, um, right. Well they've just finished up, so go on back there!"

I nod. I make my way to the back of the club. The band is packing up. "I'm, er, looking for Ashley?" I look between the two men, but neither of them acknowledges me. How rude. I repeat my question.

"Just a second!" I hear a voice calling. Oh shit. It's a girl. Ashley is a fucking girl. And it's the guitarist I was so enraptured with. Fuck me now. I know I need to get out, and get out now. Screw the bet, I'll take Maddie's parties any day. A person taps me on the shoulder from behind. I whirl around.

"Hello!" I squeak, my voice going embarrassingly high.

"Hey," she replies, her voice sounding angelic of course, "I'm Ashley? You were looking for me?"

"Me? Noo, that was some er...other person. Maybe like a cat-burglar or something like that. Or a stalker. You know how they are."

She raises her eyebrows, "Um, not really, but okay. Bye," I sense something in her tone. What is it? Disappointment? She starts to walk away, slinging her guitar bag over her shoulder.

"Wait!" She turns and gives me a smile that makes my knees weak. "I, um, wanted to ask you something. Will you, er, go on a date with me?" I rush out my words so fast that I don't think she's even heard me at first. Then,

"You're asking me on a date?"

I freeze. Every fiber of my being is telling me to run, but I can't. "Yeah. I'm a big fan."

Her face falls a bit. "A fan? I've never seen you before and didn't see you out there much tonight." Great, she calls me on my shit.

"So you were watching me?" I say with a smirk, chuckling to myself that I've turned the tables on her. Her cheeks flush in a goddamn adorable way. NO. Not adorable. I'm so straight. She lifts her eyes up to meet mine and I'm mesmerized again.

"Maybe. It's a small bar. Still doesn't explain why you were gone."

_Explosive Diarrhea. That will deter her._ "Explosi-I drank too much."

"Oh, so you're drunk then," she says, definitely sounding disappointed this time.

"No, I, uh was drinking a lot of water. I had to piss. A lot."

She looks a bit put off. _Great, Spencer, way to gross her out. _

"No, that was a lie, sorry. I was just feeling really overwhelmed with shit and needed to get away. Plus it was a bit awkward with Maddie and Adrian being all lovey-dovey and Kyla and Aiden being all coupley too."

"Oh, you know Kyla and Aiden?"

"Er, no. I just met them tonight."

"Ah." She looks confused, but she hasn't run away yet which I suppose is a good thing.

"So, um, is it a date then?"

"Well this is certainly the strangest way anyone's asked me out, but what the hell, I'll go."

"Excellent. I'll call you with the details. Bye and nice meeting you." I shove out my hand which she accepts.

"Um, nice to me you too. But you don't have my phone number, you know."

I give a fakish little laugh, "Oh, I'm sure I can find it out." Fuck, why do I have to sound so creepy? "Oops, I mean could you give it to me?"

"This is just getting weirder and weirder."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize," she says softly. "Is this your first time asking someone out?"

My face goes really red. "No!"

Her face goes red too. "Oh, sorry. It's just you seemed so nervous. Here's my number." She gives it to me and I manage to punch it into my phone without being too spastic.

"So I'll call you?"

"Yeah," she says, still staring at me with those piercing eyes.

"It was nice meeting you," I say.

"You've said that," she replies with a smile. "I'm gonna leave now. Chao." She waves as she leaves.

"I'm Spencer!" I yell out after her. She turns and smiles, her nose crinkling up in a way that's even more adorable than her embarrassed face.

"Bye, Spencer," she calls, stepping out of the door.

"I'm straight!" I shout, but she doesn't hear me. I can't decide if that's a good thing.


	2. Chapter 3

I wearily make my way back to the bar. Maddie immediately intercepts me.

"So? Bet you didn't go through with it."

"Ha!" I say proudly, "I asked him out."

"And?"

"He's a she! And she said yes. So now I'm going on a date. With a girl." It's all catching up to me now. I, Spencer Carlin, am going on a date with a girl. A gay girl at that. Or bi. "It's very terrifying and possibly wonderful. Probably shit, though."

"Damn, and I thought this wouldn't work," Maddie mutters, almost inaudibly.

"Wait, what?" I hiss, my eyes narrowing.

"Nothing," she replies quickly, not meeting my eyes.

"No, tell me!"

"Okay, okay, I knew she was a chick when I made the bet."

"You are fucking with me, aren't you? Tell me you're fucking with me."

She gulps, "Er, no. I just wanted you to try it—dating a girl—and see how it went."

"What don't you understand, Madison?" Oh ho ho, I am breaking out the full name.

"Um..."

"I'm straight," I finally yell at her, "I like boys. _Men_, dammit!" I see Maddie start shaking her head a little bit after looking past me, and trying to catch my eye. Unfortunately, I don't think about what this could mean. "I do _not_ want to eat out some _girl_!"

"Hi!" Maddie says shrilly, her voice an octave above usual as she addresses someone behind me. "Nice to, uh, see you. Again."

I twist around to see Kyla...and Ashley. Fuuuuuuuck. Kyla's giving me a death stare while Ashely just looks...disappointed. I feel my heart start to beat harder just by looking at her. "Oh, hey, you two," I say animatedly, putting my arms around their shoulders. "Fancy seeing you again!"

Kyla untangles herself from me, pulling Ashley away as well. "What was that you were saying, Spencer?"

I try and think quick. Which, as always, leads to genius. "I was just stating my views on how I don't want to be sexually promiscuous with random women." I smile widely at them, hoping they'll accept my bullshit.

"Mmm, yeah, what about they part where you were talking about men?" Kyla has her arm protectively wrapped around Ashley's body. She sounds pissed. Like a pregnant woman with PMS. Wait, never mind with that analogy. I'm a little drunk, _sorry_.

"I-I don't recall talking about that. There's a, er, wind in here that seems to just pluck the conversations from one end of the bar and puts them on the other. Like a ventriloquist wind. I think it was those guys over there. They're a little homolicious," I say pointing at a couple guys in the corner. "Right, Maddie?" Maddie just nods, her eyes still wide. "I mean, for all you know, we could have been talking about-"

"Chimichangas," Maddie inserts, being her usual unhelpful self.

Kyla's scowl grows darker. She pushes her finger into my chest. "Don't fuck with the Davies, especially not my sister. She's been through a lot." I swallow uncomfortably but nod all the same. Kyla opens her mouth to say something else, but Ashley stops her.

"I'm a big girl, Kyla. I can handle myself. Can you two give us a few minutes?" Her tone is still even and polite, despite the bullshit that's swirling around her. Thank God she wants some alone time with her sister. I try to slink away only to have her grab my arm. "No, I meant Kyla and Madison leave, not you."

Oh. Damn. Maddie looks like a deer in the headlights as Kyla drags her away. I look everywhere except at Ashley.

"This ceiling is quite simply fascinating," I try and say lightly. "Just the, uh, detail work on those fans and the panels. Just marvelous. Gives me hope that the, er, ceiling industry will bounce back. It really suffered during the nineties, you know. Never really recovered." I hear myself babbling but am powerless to stop it. Ashley doesn't really say anything, just bites her nails nervously.

"Doesn't biting your nails screw up your guitar playing?" I ask, managing to end the word vomit.

"Yeah, sorry," she says, looking down.

"Why are you apologizing? It should be me that is saying sorry. I mean, I'm the one who asked you on a date coz of a bet."

Her eyes shoot up, and for the first time there's a hint of anger. "A bet? You asked me out because of a fucking bet?"

Damn, how do I always end up telling people things! "Yeah," I whisper, because I'm feeling pretty shitty right now.

She sucks in a breath, then tells me, "Well that's a new one."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Well it at least explains why you were acting like a lunatic."

I laugh, "No, I actually act like that most of the time. I'm just a bit crazy."

She doesn't respond, then,"So you're straight?"

"Yes," I mumble even though I've got this overwhelming feeling to say no.

"Well it's not like I haven't fucked straight girls before," Ashley says thoughtfully. "But then, of course, they were pursuing me without having secret ulterior motives."

"Uh..."

"Yeah, I've had plenty of girls get with me just coz of the name, but at least I knew they were shallow little fuckers."

"The name?" I ask curiously. She frowns, and I worry that I've put my foot in my mouth again. "Not that Davies isn't a great name. Really, erm, sturdy sounding. Like you could like built shit on top of that name."

She laughs, "Funny. It's actually pretty nice to get all the ass you want from your name."

I shake my head, "I think I'm missing something here. I was obviously bullshitting that whole weird name thing, so why exactly do girls sleep with you?"

With a smile, she replies, "My dad is Raife Davies."

"Oh," I say with a grin that I hope makes it seem like I know what I'm talking about. "That explains it then."

"You don't know who he is, do you?" I shake my head. "Stop lying. He's from Purple Venom?" I don't make any movement. "Jesus, the band?"

"Right! They sang 'Mmmbop', didn't they?"

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Uh, yes?"

"Fuck, you are clueless, aren't you?"

"No, I actually know that 'Mmmbop' is by Hanson. So haha! Never heard of Purple Venom before."

"So you're still pretty clueless."

I tilt my head to the side, "That's part of my charm, isn't it?"

"Yeah, suppose so."

There's a silence after that, a surprisingly comfortable one at that.

"Sooo, are we still going on that date?"

She looks at me like I'm crazy. "Spencer, you just told me that not only are you straight, but that you just asked me out because of a bet."

"Well that doesn't really answer the question. C'mon, it'll be fun. And if it gets boring, I can always break out the crack pipe!"

Her eyes bulge out, "You're joking, right?" I shrug nonchalantly. "You are joking."

"Perhaps," I say, stroking my non-existent beard.

"You're a strange one, Spencer."

"Strange, and yet...wonderful. And yes, I do get that all the time. Seriously. My milkshake does bring all the boys to the yard. Maybe even some girls, too," I add flirtatiously. Then I start humming the song, adding in the odd word or two. Ashley just laughs, but I can tell she's not laughing _at_ me, she's laughing with me. Or so I hope.

"I think I will take that date," she says after I've made it through the chorus four times.

"Awesome!" I yell, a little loudly, grabbing her in for a hug. I'm actually quite a bit tipsy.

"You should go home," Ashley says, resting her hands around my waist.

"Aw, but I want to keep seeing you."

"Let me take you home then. Do you think your friend will mind?"

"Maddie?" I let out a laugh. "Ha! She's off sucking face with Adrian. Wouldn't care if an angry hoard of cyclists came in to molest me."

She snorts, "Yeah, have to be careful of those motorcycle gangs."

"No, no. Like bicyclists. They're so sexually frustrated because they straddle something all day and then they only have one testicle and sometimes they're on steroids and-" I'm stopped by Ashley putting her finger against my lips. I shiver, immediately hoping she doesn't notice. She does, I can tell by the smirk that appears on her face.

"I'm going to tell, um, _Maddie_ that you're coming with me. Go on, move your ass."

Ashley drags me over to where Maddie and Adrian are indeed sucking face. We stand there for a few moments. When it becomes clear that they have in fact sprouted gills and need no air, I poke Maddie. "Hey!"

She turns around, her lips bruised and looking a bit confused. "What?"

"I'm taking her home, alright?"

Maddie's eyes shoot open. "Uh, yeah. Is that okay with you, Spencer?

I nod happily, "Ashley thinks I'm charming, don't you Ashley?"

There's that nose crinkly smile again. "Oh, yes. Very."

"Well if that's what you want..." Maddie trails off, unsure as to whether I want Ashley to take me home.

"Yep. Most certainly. C'mon, Ash." My eyes widen. Not supposed to call her that. "Oops." She doesn't say anything at first, just leads me to her car. Finally,

"Ash, eh?"

"Erm, nope. Ass, actually. A-S-S. Just a little affectionate nickname."

"Right. For the record, you can call me Ash."

"Aw, does this mean we're friends?"

"Yeah, Spence, it does. It's a hard burden to bear, but I think you can handle it," she finishes with mock seriousness. We're pulling out of the parking lot.

"Great, now I can take you to meet my mom and be all like 'here's my friend Ashley, she would totally go down on me'. My mom's a close-minded Catholic, by the way."

"A little bit full of yourself, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Automatically assuming that I'm attracted to you just because I like women."

"Well, honestly, who _isn't_ attracted to me. And you've hardly room to talk either. Look at this car. A Porsche? I pretty sure all it needs is a vanity plate saying 'drop yo panties bitches', and then it would be complete."

"Really? Yeah, that make it a real winner. Legit classy."

"Uh huh. You know what, though? I ain't dropping my panties so easily. I need something first."

"And what would that be?" Her voice is practically a purr at this point.

"Oh, I think you know," I pause dramatically, "We need pancakes."


	3. Chapter 4

"Are you serious?"

"Um, yeah! Pancakes are like the, the BACON of the food world."

"Bacon is a food too, Spence," she points out.

"Sure, but it's like, you know, something sacred. More than normal food. I mean it's so versatile. Like you can put that shit in anything. Really."  
"I see. So do you actually want me to take you somewhere to get pancakes or do you want to go home." I stare at her for a few seconds. "What?"

"Would I joke about pancakes?"

She chuckles, "Sorry, I should have known."

"Yeah, you should have." I slap her playfully on the arm.

She swerves like crazy on the empty road. "Nooo, Spence, you're distracting me!"

My eyes bulge out, "Holy fuck! I won't do that again, promise!"

Then she laughs out loud, "Ha! I finally got you. I'm a perfect driver. Do whatever you want to me, I won't be distracted."

"Does that include road head?"

She splutters, "Are you serious?"

"Maybe," I reply in my mysterious voice.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she warns with a grin.

"Baby, I always keep my promises."

"You're very at ease with flirting with another girl," she notices.

Hmm. That is odd. I'm not normally this flirty with, well, anyone. "Um, I plead the fourth."

Another laugh from her. "Hon, I think you mean the fifth."

Haha, she's fallen into my little trap. Now I get to make the witty remark of, "Oh, so you've had experience with needing to use that, huh?"

She sniffles and for a second I fear I've hit a sore spot. "Yes, I have. I was a drug mule for a Colombian drug lord named Pedro," Ash says with a entirely serious look on her face, "Oh yes, Spence, I quickly rose through the ranks, becoming his right man. We dueled over the love of a woman. Carrrrmen-" she's doing that rolly r thing "- As you can see, I was victorious. She and I lived together for many years, harvesting the coca plants together. But in the end, I was left alone. Very nasty shit drug running is, don't get into it."

"And that's the story of how Ashley got the Porsche," I finish for her.

"Exactly. We're here."

I look outside to see a diner. Called Mamba Jamba's Pancake Emporium. I think I might have just squealed.

"I take it that this is satisfactory?" Ashley says, hopping out of the car and coming around to open my door for me.

"Fuck yes! How the hell have I not been here before?"

"Well you're here now."

"And in excellent company," I add, pulling her to go faster.

"Yeah," she mumbles, her face turning a bit red.

We're quickly seated and order coffee and pancakes, chocolate chip for me, blueberry for her.

"Ashley," I say, struggling to keep my voice even, "That waitress's name was Flo. Fucking Flo. I think my life is complete."

Another gorgeous smile, then, "Well then it's lucky we weren't served by Jemima."

I whip my head around, "Are you shitting me? There's a person named Jemima here? Like legitimately?"

She shakes her head and says sadly, "Unfortunately not. We're just gonna have to make do with poor old Flo."

"Well fuck me senseless, I think I would have exploded if I met a 'Jemima' who was going to bring me pancakes."

"Yes, you'd probably have imploded."

"So, Ash, tell me more about yourself."

She looks taken aback. "What?"

"You know, the basics. Where you grew up, how you got to be so captivating, why a gorgeous girl like yourself is single, how you're managing to put up with my shit so far. That sort of thing."

"Oh. That's surprisingly normal."

"Well we are on a date," I point out.

"We are?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"So me taking a drunk you out for pancakes is going to be our first date?"

"Ooh, the way you say first makes it seem like they'll be more."

"Well I can see we're destined to have a relationship."

"Yes, yes of course. I read it in my coffee leaves just now. Or they could be warning me of some sort of goat attack." She opens her mouth to says something, but I cut her off. "Yes, I know that coffee doesn't have leaves."

"Not what I was going to say, Spence. Geez, you need to learn to wait and listen to people."

I can tell she's messing with me but I still say, "Sowwy."

"Jesus forgives you." Flo brings us our pancakes and for a few minutes there's nothing but the sound of eating. Mainly on my part. I finish up my stack in approximately three minutes, and I look hungrily at hers. "Would you like one of my pancakes, Spencer?"

I shake my head. "Noo, what gave you that idea?" She shakes her head again, then flops one of hers on my plate. "Well if you insist."

"I do. I can't let someone go hungry on my account."

"No, that wouldn't do," I agree. "So, go ahead. With the basics, I mean."

"Hmm, let's see. I grew up here in LA. I lived with my mom, Christine and usually her current husband. She's had five. With Dad being in the band, I didn't see him much, but when I did, it was really special."

"Oh, what about Kyla?"

"Getting there. Anyway, in my junior year, he died in a car crash. It came out that he had an illegitimate child—Kyla. Christine insisted that she lived with us. I won't deny it, it was rough at first. We didn't get along, and I didn't like the idea of my dad doting on someone else. But eventually we become friends, and I really do love her now."

"Wow, I'm so sorry about your dad. That must have really sucked."

She nods, seeming a little emotional. I pat her hand and say, "It'll be okay, dear, I'll be there for you. When I move my stuff in tomorrow, we can talk about it more."

"What?" she asks with a little smile.

"Oh, yes, I thought it would be best if we moved in together now. I'm really committed to this whole lesbian thing."

"Well, Spencer, you've certainly proved yourself to be a big ol' homo so far. I'm-I'm proud," she finishes, wiping away a fake tear.

"Thank you," I say standing up on my chair. "I'd like to thank the Academy, and my family, and my lovely date, Ashley Davies!" I'm not sure if it was over the top, but from Ashley's smile, she seemed to like it.

"People are staring," she comments after I sit back down.

"That's coz we're so f-ing hot."

"There is that."

"So do you go to school?"

"Yep. UCLA."

"Oh, okay." I try to control the yawn that escapes my mouth.

"I should get you home," Ashley says ruefully. She takes a twenty out of her wallet and stands up. I make no motion.

"Noo," I plead as she pulls me up.

"Yes, Spence."

The rest of the trip home is a bit of a blur because I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. Before I know it, I'm at my front door.

"Well I had a really nice time tonight," Ashley says, looking down.

"Yeah, me too. We need to do it again sometime."

"Uh huh." She moves to leave, but I grab her wrist.

"Wait, we need to talk about our exes before we leave. You know, complete the gayness."

She rolls her eyes, "Night, Spence." With a soft kiss on my cheek, she waves and drives off.


	4. Chapter 5

I flop down on my bed, not caring that my clothes have touched things from nasty bar. I really am tired. My cheek is burning from where Ashley's lips were on it. My phone beeps annoyingly.

_1 new voicemail_

_2 new texts_

I decide to check the texts first.

_R u home? ~ M_

_ where r u? ur not picking up ur phone ~ M_

No surprise that it's Maddie. I listen to the voicemail:

_Spencer, you whore, why aren't you responding to my texts? Did you pass out drunk or something? Probably, you lightweight. Anyway did Ashley make a move on you? Please tell me you got laid. Bye, staying at Adrian's tonight. I'll see you in the morning with the donuts, and yes, I'll bring you a chocolate glazed one and a raspberry filled one._

Maddie and I have a tradition of eating donuts and coffee together on Saturday mornings. I always try and get her to watch the cartoons with me, but most of the time she insists that we watch E!. I admit it, I do need to know more about the Gosselin drama and Simon's engagement.

I flip my phone closed, but I can't go to sleep yet. I can't stop thinking about Ashley, the way her eyes shone, her admittedly sexy walk, her beautiful voice. Though it is probably not the best idea, I send her a text.

_Just wanted to reiterate that I had a wonderful time ~ S_

I receive a reply almost immediately.

_U r the only person that would actually put 'reiterate' in a txt ~ A_

Before I have a chance to reply with something witty, another new message pops up.

_I had a great time 2. shame it was just for a bet :( ~ A_

_ It doesnt have to be ~ S_

_ Oh? Tell me what it was then, straight girl :P ~ A_

_ A hot date between two sexy ladies ~ S_

_ Cant argue w/that ~ A_

_ So, you want to do something again? Pwease! ~ S_

_ Yea, when? :) ~ A_

_ Well, at the risk of being too eager, how about tomorrow? I understand that there is a standard three day period before calling someone back, but fuck it. ~ S_

_ Spence, ur like the worst texter ever. And ok ~ A_

_ Can I call you? Like now? ~ S_

_ Mmhmm ~ A_

I quickly dial her number, hoping that I'm not coming across too desperate. Pssh, that's never bothered me before. She answers on the second ring. Or so I think.

"Hey," a deep but still womanly voice says. Sounds vaguely Germanic.

"Uh, hi, is, um Ash available?"

"Who's wondering?"

"Spencer. Carlin. We met earlier?"

"Well this is Hilda, Ashley's girlfriend. You trying to steal my woman! Coz I ain't gonna let no blonde barbie steal my princess!"

My eyes bulge out, "Erm, no, of course not. I'm not even calling for Ash-Ashley. I'm selling...something."

"At 3 AM? What the fuck, man!"

"Fucking! Exactly! I'm selling sex toys, you know, need to be discreet, call at night, not wake up the missus, am I right?"

"Alright," the gruff voice answers. "Go ahead then with your sales pitch. I need all the help I can get to satisfy my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend, Ashley. And if you're not who you say you are, I'll find ya and hunt ya down. I'm an ex-Marine!"

I race over to my computer and look up sex toys. "Well, we've got your standard vibrators, and then some dildos, and er-" I strain to read the screen, "-a clit pump, and nipple clamps. Anal beads, too. Cock rings as well. Heh, suppose you don't need those! All different flavors of lube. Everything that you could really ask for."

"Do you have S&M stuff?"

"Of course. We have-" I do a quick google search, and I think I might have just vomited a bit. "Whips, and gimp masks, and leather, er, _getups_, and handcuffs. And the ball thingy that goes into the mouth."

"Ashley likes it rough, so I'd definitely need the whip and the mask and the ball thing. Ha, I'm a cop so I already have the handcuffs. Not very professional sounding, ball thingy, is it not? You sure you're a saleswoman?"

"Oh, positive. I mean, ever since I was a kid I wanted to sell sex toys. Some kids dream of being astronauts, I dreamed of sexual gratification. Wait, that sounded wrong. But then again I guess all guys are like that. And girls too, we're just more secretive about how horny we are. Anyway, back on target, I guess I just really love..._vibrators_."

"Well which one would you recommend for both our pleasure?"

I swallow hard, "Well, the, uh, T900 is a very good entry level vibrator. It is just really solid and reliable and I will promise you a refund myself if you are not completely satisfied with it. That the-the Sexy Buns guarantee."

"Sexy Buns?" The voice sounds at least a little amused, and I sigh a bit in relief.

"Yes, that's what we call our 200% refund. We will refund all your money and send you any competitor's model for free."

"Why, that does sound wonderful. I have one quick question, what would you recommend if you want to turn someone? A straight girl, yeah?"

I scratch my chin thoughtfully before remembering that this woman can't see me, "Well, um, Helga-"

"Hilda."

"Okay. Well Hilda, my advice would be to keep it in your pants. You've got a really wonderful girlfriend and you're lucky to have her."

"I'm wonderful?" I hear Ash answer, and I can just see her little smirk.

"Ash, thank God, who the hell was that woman? She was terrifying, I think I wet myself a bit." All I can hear is laughter on the other end. "You're Hilda, aren't you? Fuck you, just fuck you."

"Sorry, Spence," she manages to choke out. "It was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. I had no idea you knew so much about sex toys."

"Yes, well google is my friend. Or at least she was until that time we got drunk and she made a pass at me, but I went home with yahoo instead, and she ended up puking everywhere."

There's more laughter at the other end of the phone. "I can't believe you fell for that, Spence. I mean, that accent was atrocious."

"Well, I'm sleepy, goddammit. Still think you're going on another date with me? Not in this lifetime."

"Aw, did you just read that off your magic eight ball?" I huff. "Sorry, sorry. C'mon, this will make a great story to tell at parties."

I smile, her voice just makes me happy. "Yeah, suppose so. When we tell it at Leonimandas's 16th, he'll be so embarrassed. That's our future son's name, I decided just FYI. Been looking through baby name books for, well all 15 minutes I was home before I called you. I'm thinking that or Berezekiah."

"Aw, hon, but I wanted to name him Urlington Dastyx, after dear ol' Uncle Ud."

"Okay, okay, as long as we name our daughter Tatanka Slipperdale."

"Alright you've got a deal. So you want to go on a date before the commitment ceremony?"

"I don't know, your psycho butch girlfriend might slice me up."

"Nah, she's harmless. Why don't you let me make you lunch tomorrow? Or later today, rather."

"Yeah, when should I come?"

"One okay?"

"Sure. See ya then."

"Bye, Spencer. Hasta manana."

I finally am able to close my eyes and get some rest. I'll sure need it for a date with Ashley.


	5. Chapter 6

I awake to a banging on the door. "Fuck off!" I scream from my bed.

"There's a burglar on the loose!" I hear a voice scream from outside. My sleepy brain panics.

I grab my bat, still waking up, and sneak over to the door. Opening it, I yell, "Freeze, evil apartment bandit!" The figure waiting outside just smirks. "Jesus Christ!"

"No, Spencer, it's just me," Maddie says, sounding pleased with herself. "Apartment bandit? That's real clever, hon."

I block her from entering the apartment, "Do you actually think I'm letting you in after you scared the shit out of me? First sex toy Hilda, now this."

"Well I have donuts," she replies, waving a bag in front of me. I start to salivate. "And who the hell is Hilda?"

"My lesbian lover, but now's not the time. I'm really hungry."

"Yeah, well you're not waiting on me. Where's the coffee?"

"I haven't made it yet, doofus."

"Well get off your ass and get it going!"

Did I ever mention that Maddie's a bit demanding? No? I make us a few cups, then we sit down to watch the latest gossip. Or at least that's what I thought we were doing. Maddie flips the TV off and turns to me just as I'm taking a monstrous bit out of my donut. She winces, then frowns disapprovingly.

"Spencer, you aren't the most attractive person when you're eating."

"Am too. I'm like freaking Princess.." I can't say Diana, that would be tacky. "..Caroline. You know, the one from Monaco or some shit like that? I think her husband's cheating on her, but is he the blood royal or is she?"

Maddie is now looking at me like I'm an alien. "What? I couldn't hear you through the roughly three pounds of donut you have crammed in your mouth."

"Ludicrous, my dear Watson, donuts don't weigh more than about 6.5 ounces!" I reply with a smile after I swallow."

"So, how was it?"

"How was what?" I ask, playing dumb.

"Maddie rolls her eyes, "Don't play dumb, Spence, it doesn't suit you. You're plenty dumb enough from the start."

"Haha," I grumble.

"Anyway, the date. How was it?"

"Amazing. We ate pancakes and then I fell asleep and then she took me home, gave me a good night kiss—on the cheek, calm down—and then we started texting, and I called her, and then we chose the names of our babies."

Maddie raises her eyebrows, "So are you into her?"

I bite into the raspberry filled donut. "I'm having a Twix moment."

"What does that even mean?"

"Like I'm eating food instead of answering your question,"

"Oh. C'mon, tell me, we're best friends."

"This whole food distraction thing isn't working as well as it does in the commercials."

"And it's fucking disgusting to watch," she adds needlessly.

"Well I don't care about impressing you. You're my friend, you're supposed to watch me be disgusting. This is why we're not dating."

"Huh," Maddie says thoughtfully, "And here I thought we weren't dating because you are so, so straight. You are still straight as an arrow, right?"

"Well let's look at it this way. There's T-Rexs and brontosauruses and triceratops and pterodactyls. And they don't get along. But that doesn't mean one is better than the other."

"What the hell."

"Look we can debate over whether brontosauruses or Tyrannosaurus Rexs rule the jungle, but the end result is still the same."

"Spencer, not everything is about dinosaurs! We've talked about this! And your metaphors are really confusing. Like seriously, how do you pass any class that requires writing. Or speaking?"

"I have a 4.0 GPA, I'll have you know. Sleeping with the professors is an enriching and fulfilling experience, sort of like fucking the Pope, ya know?"

"God, I hate it when you don't make sense."

"Ash doesn't," I reply in a sing-song voice.

"I guess someone has to like it. Are you seeing her again?"

"Well I thought we were trying to engineer ourselves into their little group, so I assume so," I answer evasively.

"Come on, ho, just tell me."

"Alright, alright, don't get all bitchy on me! Yes, I'm having lunch with her today."

"Already? Today?"

"Today," I confirm. "Unless I dreamed up a very odd conversation between us."

"Where? Who's paying?"

"At her house. And non-applicable."

"At her fucking house?" Maddie asks, starting to laugh. "She's probably gonna try and sex you up."

I shrug, "I'm wearing my chastity belt, bitch. And I hope not. I mean, I haven't had sex in ages, and never lesbian sex. I think I'd be bad. Never liked giving blow jobs." It's true that I haven't been laid in ages. It's why my ex and I broke up—I wouldn't sleep with him.

"Well who does? And I'm pretty sure that Ashley doesn't have a dick, so you're probably good. It's 11:00 now, you need to get ready."

"Okay, bye!"

She looks at me like I'm crazy. "Spencer, do you really expect me to leave it up to you what you're wearing and shit?"

"Yes?"

"No. You'll just end up wearing your 'bake and bake' shirt.

"So what? It's not like we're going to the fucking opera."

"Yeah, but you want to impress her, right?"

I shrug, "Well I mean this obviously isn't really gonna go anywhere because I'm straight, so what does it matter?"

Maddie puts her hands on my shoulders, "Spence, if you weren't the teensiest bit interested in her, you wouldn't be having lunch with her. You're way too lazy to put the effort into getting out of your pajamas on a Saturday."

I think hard. "Um, well yeah, except that now I don't have to make lunch for myself. So it's sorta a trade-off."

"You eat chocolate graham goldfish for lunch, doesn't take much preparation, so that's a shitty argument."

"Well I'm all out, so I'd have to go to the grocery store."

"Admit that you're a little into her! It's doesn't mean you're gay, it doesn't even mean you're necessarily bi either. You could just be into a girl. Seeing the person, not the gender and all that shit."

I bite my lip, "You're right, I'm interested in her."

Maddie squeals and claps her hands. "Yay! Okay, let's go and make you sexy."

An hour later, I'm completely ready. I insisted on not wearing something too fancy, so I end up with a pair of pants that make my ass look amazing, and a tight band T-shirt.

"I still think you shouldn't wear a t-shirt," Maddie says as she applies my mascara.

"Well it's a band shirt, and Ashley's a musician, so I think it fits well."

"Okay, whatever. Ashley is clearly already interested in you if you managed to go on a date with her and still get another date."

"Pssh, I'm like an Olympic dater."

She raises her eyebrows, "Spence, we've been on double dates. I know what kind of dater you are."

"I'm offended. I feel like I'm a chef, right? And I presented you with a feast. Like a real feast with like a turkey and a ham and pie and beef with a mushroom gastrique and then you were all like "too much garlic salt", but it was really just the sommelier's fault for pairing my food with a shitty wine."

"Have you been watching Top Chef reruns again?"

"No," I snort, "Not really very much at all."

"Padma is smoking hot," she says, "And no, that is not a dig at you. I would so go gay for her. You know, if I wasn't dating Adrian."

"Ah, yes, it was good you put that stipulation on it, coz we all know it would have been inevitable without it."

"Fuck you," she says playfully.

I feel my phone buzz.

_Hey spence. Call me so u can get my address ~ A_

I shove Maddie out of the room and give her a call.


	6. Chapter 7

She answers after the first ring. "Hey," she says, her voice sending shivers down my back.

"Hi!" I answer in an annoyingly high pitched tone, sounding like a prepubescent boy. "I, uh, well you told me to call you. So I did."

"Yeah, I realized that you don't know where I live. Or at least I hope you don't. I mean, I want to know where I live, but it would just be strange if you already knew. I, um-"

"It's okay," I cut her off, for some reason enjoying the fact that she was getting all flustered over me. "Me and the boys cased out the joint last week, looking for the ins. Must say you have a pretty sturdy window system. Good doors, makes it hard for a cat burglar."

She laughs, "You're the only person I've ever actually heard use the phrase 'cat burglar'. And you've said it twice now."

"Well, a girl has to know the tricks of her trade and all that shit. But never mind my secret nighttime activities."

"Okaaay."

"That was weird, sorry. Sometimes things in my head are slower than my mouth," I explain.

"No, really?" she replies sarcastically, but not in a mean way.

"Yeah, I know it's hard to believe."

Another laugh and then she tells me her address, which I quickly dot down. "I'm gonna mapquest that shit right now. See ya in approximately thirty minutes. I've already packed the essentials, toothbrush, clothes, my laptop, grandma's armchair-"

"Bye, Spence. See you in a bit."

"Bye, Ash. See _you_ in a bit."

The phone clicks off and I'm left wondering what must be wrong with Ashley for her to consider hanging out with me with all my weirdness. With Maddie, I acted all normal and shit for a while. Guess she broke my shell some.

"You can come back in," I yell out to her, opening the door to my bedroom. She falls to the ground, clearly caught listening against the door. "Were you listening in on my conversation?"

She shrugs, "Chica, I gotta listen. You say some bat-shit crazy-ass stuff when you aren't reigned in. Shouldn't you be on Ritalin or something?"

"Shouldn't you be on meds for, um, _chlamydia_?" I shoot back.

"Not cool, Spencer."

"Oh. Right. You actually had that. Blonde moment, sorry!"

"Spencer moment, more like it. Anyway, do you need a ride to Ashley's? Your car's still in the shop, right?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Well, lez go!"

"Let me get the directions real quick," I reply, "And don't think I didn't catch that little pun. Funny."

"Well some of us are just gifted like that."

"Meh, shut up."

"So, Spencey," Maddie says as we pull up to a huge house, "I'm gonna text you in like thirty minutes, and if it's not going well, then just pretend I'm having an emergency that you need to attend to and I'll come and get you. Okay?"

"Thanks," I answer with a smile. I admit, I'm sort of relieved. Without the alcohol in my system, I don't know how the date's going to go.

"Are you gonna get out?"

I joke, "Yeah, this is my stop," then step onto the driveway. Looking up at the house, I can't help but feel a bit intimidated. The only reason I know it's Ashley's and not some Arab sheik's is because I can see her porsche in the garage. I nervously ring the bell.

"Coming!" she calls, and I anxiously bounce on the balls of my feet. She opens the door, and all I can think is 'wow'. She's wearing short white shorts, like really short. I mean these are like booty shorts for midgets, sorry, _little people_. They do a fine job of showing off her ass..ets. Her top is equally revealing, showing a fair bit of cleavage and back. "Come on in."

"You look hot," I blurt out.

She crinkles her nose up in a gorgeous smile, "So do you."

I look down at myself. "Well I was going to wear a vest, but I didn't have any clean ones."

She rolls her eyes, "Inside, inside!"

I step into the room, which is amazing. "This is a beautiful house, Ash."

"Thanks. I helped a bit with the decorating, but most of it was out of my hands."

"Do you live here alone?"

"Hmm," she says, pondering the question. "Well technically Kyla lives with me and we co-own the house, but she's always at Aiden's nowadays."

"Oh. So they're still in the fucking like rabbits stage?"

Frowning, she replies with, "Yes, I suppose so. But my sister's sex life is not really high in my mind."

"Oh, if I had a sister, it totally would be. Coz how else are you gonna know that you're not sleeping with the same guy?"

"Easy, I sleep with girls so there's no problem."

"What if your girlfriend was really a male to female transgendered person who was transitioning, and so was a man with Kyla, and a woman with you? Yeah, put that in your pipe and smoke it."

"Sometimes I wonder what's in your pipe, Spence. Besides crack." she mutters playfully.

I smile and nod, because, really, the second date is not the time to tell someone about your intravenous drug use or any other kind. I might be shit at dating, but not even I would make that faux pas. Did I not mention my stints in rehab? Oopsie, guess I forgot.

"So what are we eating then?"

"Follow me," she replies, beckoning me to the dining room. There's just a small table with a few chairs, but it's still elegant. "Want a drink?"

"Yeah, I'm parched. Like my mouth is so dry, it's becoming larger like the Sahara, which is a real shame for the nomadic people of my mouth. And a soft drink would be good, any kind."

"Coming right up."

"I dunno if I can eat here anyway," I say, "This is all high class and I'm sort of not. And sometimes I wonder if people actually live like the people in those TV shows, but then I realize that they're really just living inside the TV anyway." Ashley returns to the room with my drink.

Her mouth quirks up into a smile, "You sound sort of crazy, you know that, right?"

"I am fully insightful to my word vomit. I can control it. But I'd describe it like a road in India—crammed all the way and with errant cows milling around. And I resent the use of the the word 'crazy'. For all you know, I might be a schizo."

"Well you certainly sound like the ones I met in the hospital," she says quietly, like really quietly. I know I should ignore the comment, but I can't.

"What was that?"

Ashley blushes, "I was in the psych ward for a bit when I was a teenager. So I knew a few schizophrenics."

"Oh," I say, words failing me for once.

"And now you think I'm totally crazy," Ashley finishes.

"No, no, no," I hastily say. "I mean, I've been to rehab four times, so I can't say too much." Damn, what was that I was saying about not telling her about my junkie past?

"Really, Spence? Drugs?"

I scowl, "Well I was naïve."

"Not blaming you," she responds quickly, "It's just surprising. You seem so innocent."

"Fucking story of my life."

Neither one of us says anything after that. Ash finally breaks the silence, "So, a bit heavy for the second date, eh?"

"Yeah," I agree. "Normally on second dates I take the guy back to the ferret farm before showing them my collection of prosthetic legs. Then we have sex to whale song CDs, on a water bed, and in full rider fetish attire."

"You really don't have a filter, do you?"

"Nope."

"I'll put on some music, okay? I think lunch is almost done."

"Sounds good."

She walks over to the wall and punches in a few keys on a wall pad. "Shit, I forgot. My ipod's broken."

"S'ok. I've got mine." I quickly hand it over, and she sets it on shuffle. Before I can sit back down, the sound of "Really, Really Rich Italian Satanists" comes on.

_We are really rich Italian satanists  
We do whatever we want  
Really rich Italian satanists  
Everyone wants what we've got  
Really rich Italian satanists  
We do whatever we please  
Really rich Italian satanists_  
_We'll bring you to your knees_

Ashley gives me a strange look. "Interesting song, Spence. Who is this?"

"Dirty Sanchez."

She spits out a sip of her drink. "What?"

"Um, Dirty Sanchez? With Jackie Beat, best drag queen ever?"

"That's filthy," she laughs out.

"I don't get it."

"You know what a dirty sanchez is, right?"

"Er, nope."

"Well I'm not telling you. Look it up. Wait, no, don't. It's nasty."

"Alrighty then. So when's the food gonna be ready? I don't want to sound like a petulant child, but when my blood sugar goes down, I become real cranky. And when I'm cranky, I don't let anyone change my diaper, which stinks ups everything."

"It's done," she says, striding back into the kitchen. For someone so small, her legs really are long.

"Excellent! What will we be feasting on?"

"Well, I made pancakes, since you love them. And mac 'n' cheese, coz everyone likes that. Some bacon just for good measure. Chocolate and yellow cupcakes. Fruit salad. Sound okay?"

"If I could marry you, I totally would. I mean, we may have to take a trip up to Canada today. And my car's in the shop, so we'd have to drive the porsche, and you'd get so tired that I would take the wheel, but then I would be distracted by an errant billboard, and I'd run us off the road, and we'd end up in a ditch."

"Yes, that would be the logical conclusion," Ashley says with a grin. "So let's dig in, shall we?"


	7. Chapter 8

"This really does look wonderful, Ash."

"Thanks. Bon apetit!"

I take a bite of the mac 'n' cheese, and it's delicious. And the pancakes are light and fluffy. "I normally wouldn't think these would go together, but I like mac 'n' cheese pancakes. Tasty." She looks at me expectantly. "What?"

She shakes her head with a smile, "I dunno, I was just expecting you to say something completely bizarre and tangential."

I smile back at her, "I can be normal when I want to, remember?"

"Yeah, I'll believe when I see it."

"Well I guess we'll just have to keep doing stuff together to find out."

"I think I can put up with you well enough to do that."

"Gee, thanks. I'm honored," I say sarcastically. "So, just wondering, how long has the band been together?"

"Hmm, around five months, I'd say."

"Oh cool. How did you guys get started?"

"Well Chris and I have been friends for a long time, and we're both singers and write songs, so we decided to combine forces and start a band."

"Who are the other two?"

"Georgia and Melon. They're dating."

"Melon? Do I even want to know?"

"Yeah, I don't get it either. Something about his shaved head or whatever."

"And the band name? A bit-"

"Crass, yes. Chris insisted, but if we ever get a record deal or whatever, we're changing it. To what, I don't know."

"Is Chris single?" I ask curiously, hoping to determine his sexuality.

"I think so. He's a bit of a man-whore, so I never really know if he's in a relationship or simply with a fuck buddy. Why do you want to know?"

"Maybe I'm interested," I say coyly.

"Hmm, yeah, well unless you've managed to hide a dick somewhere in those tight jeans, then I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't go for you. Sorry," she finishes, not sounding sorry at all.

"Ha! I was right. I totally knew he was gay."

"Well, Spence, all that proves is that your gaydar is at least somewhat functional."

"Yeah, well at least something's right. All my radar has been off recently. My echolocation has been absolutely terrible these past few weeks. I mean, I'm like trying to catch some insects to eat, and they are just flying right by me, and I'm like 'click, click', but nothing is working! That's why I'm always so hungry, ya know?"

"That's a damn shame. I'll collect some flies for you, okay?"

"Aw, thanks. How sweet."

"As sugar. Want a cupcake?"

"Uh, hell yes!"

"Chocolate or vanilla? Wait, I already know." She goes into the kitchen and returns with the tray. "You'd want both."

"You know me well, Ashley Davies."

"Do I really? Coz I'm thinking that your brain is a very convoluted and strange place. Do you agree, Spencer Carlin?"

"Oh definitely." Then I look at her, a bit confused. "How did you know my last name anyway? Been doing a bit of recon? Coz I've already done the whole dating a super-spy, and it went horrible because he was always getting drunk off of martinis and getting in death fights and meeting up with really hot foreign girls that were all coincidentally slutty."

Ashley blushes a bit. "I asked Kyla about you, and she told me everything Madison told her."

"So you basically know all the intimate details of my life?"

"By proxy, sure."

"Haha, one time I saw this Lifetime movie about this woman with Munchausen's by Proxy, and she was poisoning her son's water while he was in the hospital. It was some crazy shit, man. I would be fucking pissed at my mom if she started poisoning me. Like, she's probably gonna start when she hears that I've been hanging around someone gay, let alone going on a date with them. Oh fuck, she works in a hospital, she actually has access to chemicals! When I die, or more like when my mother murders me, you have to come forward and tell them the truth. It wasn't the butler, it was Paula Carlin!"

Ash laughs a bit, then, "So tell me more about yourself. Your family and stuff."

"Well I have two older brothers, Clay and Glen. Clay's adopted, but he's been my brother since I was seven. And not like a 'brotha', but like a blood one except without the genes..and the similar looks..and the same race. Glen supposedly looks a bit like me, but I don't see it. He's at Duke and Clay's in England."

"How posh."

"I never really like Posh Spice, she always looked like an anorexic alien. David, though, he's a hottie!"

"Agreed," Ashley replies. "What about the parents?"

"Dad's a social worker, Mom's a doctor. Pretty simple."

"Okay. You're Catholic, right?"

"Um, sort of. Baptized as a baby and all that shit. Not a big fan of it, though."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one, their rules are stupid. Contraceptives are key to preventing the spread of STDs. And, of course, the whole gay thing."

"The gay thing?" she asks, though I have no doubt she knows what I'm talking about.

"They condemn homosexuality based on some stupid rule in the bible. The bible is crazy! There's a talking donkey in the bible! A fucking _talking donkey_. And they totally eat pork, and I think the Pope probably jacks off a lot, so there's two rules they've just decided to ignore right there. It's bullshit that they follow some rules and not the others. Plus, doesn't Jesus love everyone?"

"Nice argument. Saves me a lot of self-loathing."

"Yeah, I'm not some devout Christian, sorry to disappoint."

Ashley smiles, "Damn, and I was hoping to corrupt a good little Catholic girl."

"I'm sure you can still corrupt me," I hear myself reply. What the hell did I just say?

"Oh yeah? What would your mom say to this?" she asks, her face getting closer as she licks her lips.

Oh my Jesus, she's gonna kiss me. I try to not hyperventilate as she leans in For some reason this scene from 'Hitch' pops up in my head. 90-10, 90-10. Okay, I can do this. Just as I'm leaning in my portion, I hear a loud beep. I pull back. The moment is ruined.

"Your phone went off," Ashley says as she pulls away, sounding disappointed.

"Yes, I can tell," I mutter, a bit pissed off. Checking the phone, I see it's a text from Maddie.

_Hey chica, hows the date? Need to escape? ~ M_

I quickly text back:

_NO! ~ S_

Then realizing how that would sound, I redo it and say:

_Er, I'm having an good time. So I want to stay. ~ S_

She replies with:

_K, have fun and be safe, lol ~ M_

I flip the phone shut. "So, where were we?"


	8. Chapter 9

"Yeah, I should probably clean this up," Ashley says, standing up. "Are you done?"

"Yes, thank you. It was a wonderful meal, really. Should I, uh, call Maddie and tell her to pick me up now?"

"NO!" Ashley practically yells. Her face goes red, "I mean, only if you want to. If not, we could, um, watch a movie or something."

I smirk. Oh yes, I've gotten to her. She sees my smirk and her face goes even redder. "I suppose I could fit it into my busy schedule."

Ash smiles and goes into the kitchen. "Want a beer or something?"

"Trying to liquor me up? Coz I will totally get wasted, and then we'll start fooling around, and then you'll be really into it, and then I'll barf in your mouth. And then you probably will avoid me for a while, and our mutual friends will be like 'what happened, dudes', and you won't tell anyone, and I'll end up joining the Peace Corps. "

"So is that a 'yes' then?"

"It is, thanks."

"No problem," she replies, coming out of the kitchen with a bottle that appears to be from a microbrewery. "C'mon, let's sit on the couch. I can tell you what movies I have."

"Okay. Is that some sort of hipster brew? Coz I've never even heard of the brand. It's like that girl at the party that's really drunk and everyone is avoiding her because she's insecure and needy, so she puts on a duct tape dress and wins that scholarship. You know that one? The scholarship with the duct tape prom dresses and suits? Never mind, that analogy doesn't make sense. But is it some expensive, high and mighty microbrew?"

Ashley laughs. "Sort of, I suppose. Kyla bought them actually."

"Oh. Is it okay that I'm drinking it? I don't want to like mooch off of her, and become like a leech. When I was little, I was terrified that I would get a leech, and then I'd have to pull it off and the idea of them sucking blood just grosses me out. I mean, of bloodsuckers, mosquitos are my least favorite, followed by homo glittery vampires, then leeches. I like vampire bats, though. How awesome is it to sleep upside down? Super-fucking-awesome, that's how awesome it is."

"Homo vampires?" she says, raising her eyebrow.

"Sorry, poor choice of words. But seriously, a 100 year old religious virgin? So repressed that the pedophile priests feel bad."

"Okaaay then. Drink up, I need you to get a little looser. You're just so uptight."

"I know, right? And why am I the only one who's drinking?"

"Well there's only the two of us, so I could say the same. But, you know, the opposite." I can tell she doesn't want to go any further, but I can't resist pressing the matter.

"Why aren't you drinking?"

"Because it interferes with my meds," she snaps back at me. I flinch. "Sorry, it's just a bit of a sore subject."

"No, I'm the one that should be apologizing. I shouldn't have pushed it."

"Okay, we're both sorry. Segueing to a different subject, what should we do now? Let's watch a movie."

"Alright, what do you have?"

"Er, lots?"

"Let's just check the TV, okay?"

"Fine."

We flip the TV on and go through the TV guide. There's nothing, something which I point out to Ashley.

"Yeah, it's pretty shit. Buuut, there is _one_ thing."

I shake my head, "And what would that be?"

"The Cutting Edge 4: Fire and Ice."

"Dude, that's so old."

"What are you talking about, it just came out! It's a new one."

"Really? Why in the hell does there need to be a new one? They are all the fucking same."

"Hmm, something else then."

I chuckle, "Um, I totally want to watch it. Making fun of movies and being sarcastic is like my favorite pastytime."

"You mean 'pastime'?"

"Er, nope. I mean pasty time. Like when you were in kindergarten, you would do these crafts, and there would be paste. And there wasn't much work going on, it was just time to get your grub on with the paste. So now I think back to those simple times when I was free to do what I wanted, like eating vaguely non-edible school supplies."

"I'll turn on the movie," she responds, ignoring my ramble.

"Oh my God, they're having sex for the first time in a locker room? Locker rooms have strange fungi in them. Nasty. One time I was in this locker room, and there was this chick that looked like she was from The Grudge and she was like stalking me. It turned out to be the foreign exchange student that was living with me parents. So my bad."

Ash laughs, "Yeah, this movie is ridiculous. Later he classifies himself as a 'bad boy'. Figure skaters are not bad boys."

"I don't know, Johnny Weir is pretty fierce."

"Sure he is. He's badass. But not a bad boy."

"Hmmph," I harrumph, looking back at the screen. Ashley and I are on the enormous couch, but we're still pretty close. She's been inching nearer to me for the past sixty minutes, and she finally puts her arm around me. I naturally react and cuddle against her.

"This is nice," I breath out.

"Yeah, it is."


	9. Chapter 10

I realize that I've fallen asleep when I open my eyes and see it's dark out. Holy fuck, I've been out of it for hours. I nervously look over at Ashley, sure that she's bored out of her mind and annoyed that some random girl has fallen asleep on her. Yes, I am half on top of her, my face buried in her chest. As I apprehensively raise my eyes to hers, I see that she's out as well. Thank god. My stirring seems to awake her, though. She blinks a couple of times before looking down, her face immediately going red. I think it might just be the most adorable thing I've ever seen, and I go to Cute Overload every day. It's cuter than a fucking silky sloth. Don't know what that is? Google that shit, you'll be addicted and planning a trip to Costa Rica like _right away_.

"Sorry, I, uh, just, well, um," she stumbles over her words, finally managing to articulate, "I'm sorry for falling asleep."

"Meh, it's okay."

"Are you sure? I mean, this isn't a great, er, _third_ impression."

"Well I have narcolepsy, so I understand."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," she says with an affectionate smile, "You're a filthy liar."

"I would argue about my cleanliness. I shower quite often. With soap, not so much, though. I mean reading 'Fight Club' kinda ruined soap for me. Nastiness. And that Dove shit is like lard in a bar. I would rather rub a dead pig over my skin. Pigs are really one of the cleanest animals, so I suppose I could take a lesson from them. Mud baths and su-"

I'm cut off from my tangential ramble by a pair of lips against mine. Holy fuck, Ashley is kissing me. By the time I process the fact that Ashley is indeed kissing me, she's pulled away. I don't say anything, just stare at her with my eyes bugged out. Despite my not-so-innocent past, I've never kissed a girl. Well on the lips that is. I don't even know if it really was a kiss; it was pretty chaste. Ash is just staring down at me, trying to gauge my reaction. But the hell if I know. It was nice, I suppose. Made me a little tingly. Okay, it was actually fucking amazing. She ducks her head down, seeming a little embarrassed. I'm not too good with my words in these kinds of situations (I know, surprising, right?), so I just lean up and capture her lips again, this time for slightly longer. I pull away after a few seconds. I'm embarrassed to admit that my heart is racing slightly.

We're both just staring at each other before Ashley kisses me again, trying to deepen it after a few seconds. I jerk back coz it's just too fucking different than from what I'm used to. Boys don't taste of strawberry lip gloss, and cinnamon gum, and cupcakes. Their hair doesn't smell of melon shampoo and their lips aren't nearly as soft. My hearts thuds uncomfortably because it's finally setting in that I am on a date with a girl. Actually we've gone on two dates. Does that mean I'm dating a girl? Oh God, I'm gonna start hyperventilating. So I do the only thing I know how to do—talk.

"-ch. I love the pig from Charlotte's Web. What was his name? Wilmer? Wait no, that's the guy from 'That Seventies Show'. Never a big fan of that. What is that damn pig's name?"

"Wilbur," Ashley replies slowly. I can only assume that she's confused as to why I'm not acknowledging what just happened between us.

"So you might be a bit confused," I begin. She inclines her head a bid, affirming this statement. "But I can't handle what's happening without freaking out, and this is just my way of preventing that. Coz I don't want me to freak out. You definitely don't want me to freak out. I get all strange and I levitate above the furniture and my voice goes all satanic and my heads spins around in a 360 and I projectile vomit green puke everywhere. Hell, when I start speaking Aramaic, the shit really hits the fan. It's pretty damn annoying, if you ask me."

Ashley's mouth quirks into a smile. "Alright, then. I'll go get the holy water."

"Where does holy water even come from? Like I seriously don't know. Is it from the Pope's purified urine or something?" Ash raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Do you know?"

She smiles and shakes her head. "See you confuse me sometimes, Spence, I gotta admit. Do actually not know or are you just acting, er, _unknowledgeable_?

"Okay, I resent that implication. Who the hell knows where holy water comes from?"

"Um, roman catholics like you, der!"

__"Well no one told me!"

"Apparently! And to answer the question, it comes from water that has been sanctified. I saw this Family Guy episode about tainted holy water. I love Stewie."

I frown, "You watch Family Guy? Gah, that shit is awful."

"You don't like Family Guy? I mean, yeah, it's complete shit and offensive, but it's hilarious as fuck."

"I beg to differ. South Park is hilarious and offensive. Family Guy just tries too hard."

"Yeah, South Park rocks, but it's different from Family Guy. You only dislike Family Guy coz you're a film major and that be all prim and proper."

"True, I am a pretty picky TV and movie watcher. But these are cartoons."

"We should watch some right now."

"Do you have any of the DVDs?"

"Nope, but Kyla bought Aiden a PS3 for when he's here, and it has a Netflix Instant Watch disk."

"Alright."

She quickly sets up the player and chooses an episode from the seventh season. Soon we're cuddling again as Cartman becomes a Christian rock singer


	10. Chapter 11

I would guess it's about 8:30, and I'm getting hungry again. Ashley has her arms loosely wrapped around me, and she's asleep again. It's actually rather cozy here in her arms. She had fetched a blanket when I started shivering a little bit, but now I'm really quite hot.

"Hey," I say softly, shaking her arm a little bit. She doesn't move. Ah, goddammit.

I push against her arm more forcefully. "Ash! Wakey, wakey!"

Her eyes flutter open. As I twist around to better see her face, I see her lower her eyes.

"Sorry!" she says apologetically, "My meds make me super tired. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Whoa, deja vu! This is almost exactly the same conversation we had earlier!" I yell rather shrilly in her ear. I decide not to address the medication comment...for now.

"Ow. Just ow," she mutters, "And I really am sorry for being such a shitty host."

"Naw," I reply fondly, ruffling the top of her hair, "Dates with me usually go best when my date is unconscious."

She laughs, "That sounds really shifty."

I think for a second. What is she talking abo-OH. I get it now. "You know perfectly well, Ms. Davies, that my intentions are pure towards my dates."

"Mmm, right. I'll believe it when I see it."

"Well then we can go to a bar, find a douchebag for me to 'date', drug him up with some benzos, then see how it progresses from there."

"'Drug him up with some benzos'? What the fuck, Spence! Where would you even get those? Aren't they meant for anxiety?"

"Chill, Ash," I say, "It's all good. I thought saying that we would use roofies would be a little weird. Benzos are just chillout meds. No harm." I don't mention, of course, that I was addicted to Klonopin and Xanax for the better part of two years. "If it makes you feel better, then I'll just get him drunk enough to pass out. That good?"

She sniffs, "Yeah, I still don't want to watch that. You lusting over some guy while I watch? That's a little too voyeuristic for me. And I don't want to see you with some douche bag anyway."

"Well it's not like I go on dates a lot," I point out, noticing that she seems dismayed at the thought of me dating other people (well, really just men). "Most people run screaming away. Or they

try and deny it ever happened."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Spence," Ashley says, a smile returning to her face, "Men expect too much from dates. Ie, you should just date women."

I smile unsurely, "I don't know about that. Women are much more demanding and picky."

"I resent that! How would you know what dating a woman is like?"

"Well I've gone on a date with _you_."

"Are you saying that I'm demanding and picky?" Ashley asks with mock offense.

"Hmm," I pretend to mull it over, "The jury's still out on that one."

"I am not!" Ashley protests, sticking her tongue out.

"No, you certainly aren't. If you're the only woman I date, I think I'll be good."

"Ah, well I'd prefer that anyway."

I lean back into her body. "I'm hungry, Ash."

"Oh! Okay, I can go fix you something or we can order in or-"

I cut her off, "Let me take you out for dinner."

"Uh, okay?"

"Why do you sound surprised?" I ask suspiciously.

Ash smiles down at me and kisses me swiftly on the lips. "Because I thought I would end up being the dude all the time."

"And why would you think that?"

She looks away for a second, "'Cause you're, you know, _straight_. You would expect me to do the man role."

"Mmhmm. But who asked who out? And don't bother correcting my grammar with 'whoms' and 'whos', Clay has been a grammar Nazi forever and I am _over_ _it_!"

"That is true. And you do seem like the kind who wears the pants. So let me get myself decentish again, and then we can head out."

I slowly look her up and down, "Looks fine from here."

She tries to hide her blush with a smile, but I see it. "Well you look mighty fine yourself, but I need to brush my hair and do my make-up and such."

"Ah, I should probably do the same," I say, pushing myself off the couch. "Which way to the, erm, restroom?"

"Go down the hall, it's the second door on the left," Ashley says as she stands up herself, stretching so that her shirt rides up enough so that I can see her sculpted abs. Drooling commences.

I'm not that straight, am I.

I shake myself and find my way to the bathroom. It's large and modern, but the medicine cabinet is open. My hands begin to tremble when I see the bottle of Ativan. I can't help myself—I grab the bottle, almost spilling out the precious pills as I struggle to open it.

"No," I emphatically mutter to myself. "Not now." I shove the bottle back onto the rack, the container next to it immediately drawing in my eyes. It's just a tupperware container, but it has a hand written label that says 'pain shit'. My hands are shaking outright at this point as I peel back the lid. Fuck me, this is certainly a collection. There's roxies, vicodin, percocet, oxycontin.

As I hyperventilate while picking out a few of the pills, I hear Ashley call out.

"Spence, you ready?"

Her voice brings me back to reality. "Um, yeah. Just a sec!"

I throw a few pills in my purse, quickly give my hair a quick brush, apply a little lip gloss (hey, I'm becoming a good lesbian already, haha!), and put everything where it needs to be.

"So are you ready to go?"


	11. Chapter 12

We end up going to this Mexican joint that I've always liked. I asked her what she wanted, and she said Mexican. And it's not like I was going to take her to Marty's. Hell no. You don't get to go there with me until you have bailed me out from jail, checked my ass into rehab, or fucked my brains out. And considering I don't want Ashley to do any of those things, it's not looking good for her. Okay, okay, I admit I'm still unsure about the fucking brains out thing. That I might want her to do.

They bring us the chips like they always do, and I immediately start shoveling them in my mouth. Not very attractive, but I'm a hungry girl. Ashley raises her eyebrows as she takes a sip from her diet coke. I myself am having a Dos Equis.

"Why have I not seen you around campus before?" I ask her.

"I took off last semester."

"Ah...Fun stuff. I've taken off two semesters since I started. My parents are not too pleased that it will likely take me five years to complete me degree."

"Well considering I have no contact with my mom, I don't really have to worry about that. Kyla would kick my ass if I dropped out, though."

"Hmm, being a struggling rock star not good enough for her?"

"Hey, I'd hardly say struggling! And I'm not a rock star..._yet_!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you're a moneybag. I should use my liberal leaning middle class hatred of the rich against you!"

"I thought your family was all conservative."

"Nah, my mom is just religious. And Glen, my pig brother, is kinda discriminatory."

Ashley smiles, "You're admitting that your brother is discriminatory? Wow, Spence, throwing your family under the bus. Harsh"

I snort, "No. But when you meet him, you'll probably have to put up with some shit."

"Aw, you're gonna introduce me to your family. How sweet."

"Fuck off!" I retort defensively, a little embarrassed. "_If _you meet him, you'll probably have to put up with some shit. That better, smartass?."

Another nose-crinkling smile which makes me melt a little bit more. "I don't see how he wouldn't like a gorgeous girl who also happens to be a multimillionaire."

"Well if you know someone like that, then I'll be sure to introduce her to him."

"Hey," she cries, punching me lightly on the arm, "That's mean. And wholly untrue. Are you saying that I'm not gorgeous?" She makes a pouty face and bites her bottom lip. SO HOT!

"Eugh," I...emit from my mouth hole. There's really no flattering way to describe what I just uttered. I shake myself off. "Nah, Ash, you _know_ that you're gorgeous. Stunning." I see her cheeks redden, just a little bit.

"You too, Spence," she mutters, looking down. Then she looks up and laughs, her eyes twinkling. "Does this seem a little odd to you?"

I shake myself free from the smile that appears on my face when she tells me she thinks I'm hot or whatever, "Pardon?"

"Just that me, the totally gay one, is getting all nervous getting compliments from you, self proclaimed straight girl."

"Babe, I don't do anything the normal way." I get another grin out of her, but before I can say anything else, I see a man tap her on the shoulder. My first instinct is to take the guy to the ground. Two words: CRAZY EYES. And the weirdest part is that except for that, the dude has no expression. Like nothing. It's throwing me off.

Ashley turns around and suddenly she seems very excited. "Ted!"

'Ted' or whatever the hell the jerk who is interrupting my Ashley time, makes a strange face. Oh my god, did I just say "Ashley Time"? Anyway, if I had to guess, I'd say that the man was trying to smile or something.

"Hello, Ashley," he says, but again it's really weird because his voice is a complete monotone, even though I know if I ran into Ashley, I'd be a hell of a lot more excited.

"Oh my god, Teddy, it's been so long! I haven't seen you in what, a year and a half?"

"Something like that. This is my girlfriend, Risa." He points to a woman who is surprisingly good looking, and more importantly, _normal-looking_. The woman gives a shy little hello.

"I've heard so much about you," Risa tells Ashley, shaking her hand. I roll my eyes a little bit. Is it me or _is everyone eye-fucking Ashley?_

"Nice to meet you," Ashley says politely, then points to me, "This is my new, uh, friend, Spencer. Spence, this is an old friend of mine, Ted."

I give what I think is a fairly convincing smile and shake hands with both of them. Ashley can't keep the smile off her face. "How long have you been in LA?"

Ted looks at his girlfriend, _jesus, what does that girl see in him?_, "Around four months or so, I'd guess."

"Well it's great seeing you! Here, let me give you my number. We _have_ to get together soon. I need to get to know your lovely girlfriend." She tells him her number, then gives him a little nudge, and where a normal person would grin sheepishly, he keeps the same blank expression.

"Yes, that would be awesome. But we need to go. We're seeing 'Get Him To The Greek' in about thirty minutes. It was wonderful seeing you, and I hope that we don't go nearly as long between encounters."

"Mmmhmm, man, you'd better give me a call!" We both wave at them as they leave the restaurant.

"Jesus, I don't think he's going to enjoy that comedy very much. Bored much?"

Ashley winces, "He has schizophrenia. The whole no expression and no tone is part of it."

"Oh," I mumble, embarrassed. "So you guys have known each other for a long time?"

"For a few years, yeah. We were in the hospital together. You make friends quick on the inside," she finishes with a little chuckle.

"'Teddy'? That's not effeminate at all."

"What about Teddy Roosevelt?"

"Well he was called that because he was associated with bears and shit."

"Exactly. I call Ted 'Teddy' because he used to be like a big teddy bear. He was on this medication that caused him to swell up. He was my own little stuffed animal."

"I thought you didn't like men," I spit out.

"Jesus, chill! I don't want to be with them, but I do like being friends with them. Are-are you jealous?"

"No!"

"I think you are, just a bit. And I totally get it, I'm amazing!"

I roll my eyes again, "We've only known each other for like two days. Why would I be jealous?"

She just smiles superiorly, "Whatever, Spence."

The waitress brings our food out, and we dig in.


	12. Chapter 14

So it's been a two weeks since Ashley and I were at the Mexican restaurant. We've been hanging out. A lot. Like Madison is already saying we're the cutest couple and we're sickeningly sweet. I, for one, was surprised with the comment. I had not even realized we were a couple. We're not, I think. I mean, we kiss sometimes, but not really make-out. And hold hands...not in public. I guess our easygoing playful banter and witticisms make us seem like we're together or something. But I am _not_ her girlfriend...(atleastnotyet)

Right now we're out to dinner with everyone. That means Kyla and Aiden; and Maddie and Adrian. It's nice having Ashley here, even if she's not really my girlfriend. Being the fifth wheel sucks. Kyla keeps giving me weird looks..no, they're more mean than anything. I don't think she thinks I'm good enough for her sister. I'd have to say I agree. The pills I took from the medicine cabinet are burning holes through my purse, even though I'm proud to say I haven't taken any of them. For the first time in almost a year, I called my sponsor. She was surprised, to say the least. But I got through the immediate cravings. I wasn't able to toss them down the toilet, or discreetly return them. I can only hope Ashley doesn't search through my bag. Why she would be doing this, I don't know. Maybe to look for a condom?

….

Okay, that was lame. Aiden and Maddie keep looking at each other, then us. There's this self-satisfied smirk they're sharing, and it's making me suspicious. I sincerely hope they're not cheating on their significant others because Adrian and Kyla seem really nice.

"Why are you guys looking at each other like that?" I finally ask, as I think I almost caught a fucking wink going from Aiden to Maddie.

They feign shock, and I can safely say that neither should pursue a career in acting. Aiden bullshits to me first, "I'm not giving any look to her. I mean, I'm just trying to enjoy my burger and fries with my wonderful girlfriend." He squeezes Kyla's hand indulgently.

"Yeah, chica, you're going loca! We aren't secretly communicating!" That's a tip-off in my brain, because Maddie only uses Spanish when she's pissed off or plotting something.

"...Okay, that totally didn't sound incriminating," Ashley mutters. Yes, someone who agrees with me!

"Fine," Aiden says with a flourish, "Madison and I are just pleased that you two are hitting it off so well. It was our idea for y'all to meet."

"One, you are from Northern Cali, Aiden, you have no business saying 'y'all'. Two...well I guess I'll thank you. I am very glad to have met Spencer." She gives me this little, innocent peck on the cheek after she finishes, and I just know my face is getting a bit red.

But really: Aw! How sweet!

I decide to offer my own take, "It certainly was fortuitous that you engineered our meeting. My deepest gratitude to both of you."

Everyone looks around at each other and bursts out laughing. Maddie manages to choke out, "Spence, can you try not to sound like a robot?"

"Excuse me, Maddie, I didn't realize that you didn't want me to sound like, what was it you called my speech? Schizophrenic dictionary talk?"

Ashley and Aiden howl with laughter at this, and I would be pissed, but my Ashley looks so adorable when she laughs. Sigh.

HOLY SHIT!

Did I just think, 'my Ashley'? This is not good. I've admitted that I might not be entirely straight to myself, but I don't want to leap into anything with the first girl that's shown a genuine interest in me.

Hmmph, I'll deal with this later!

Later...

It has been officially one month since I met Ashley, and my feelings have only grown. I feel like I should get her flowers or a card or something, but there really isn't a type of flowers or greeting card that is for 'Congrats on our one month psuedo-relationship, that's between a girl somewhere on the spectrum of bicurious to bisexual, and a lesbian with a heart of gold'. But I really want to do something for her, even if she doesn't realize what day it is.

Except for when we have class, we hang out together all the time. Maddie and Aiden have been calling me and Ash, respectively, every single damn second. I guess it's because we haven't really been paying attention to them...it's sad, they should get their own lives. And leave me alone with a girl I've barely let make second base.

Right now I'm at a club where's the band is playing. Maddie has been calling me 'Groupie' nonstop, which is slightly offensive. Yes, I've been to all of their shows this month, but I am not sleeping with the band. I'm not even sleeping with Ashley. Okay, there was this one time when I got wasted and crashed at her place. But I remained mostly clothed for the whole night. And I don't think puke breath would be an especially hot turn-on, so Ashley slept in the spare room.

Chris struts out onto the stage, looking fabulous (how could I have ever wondered about his sexuality). Melon and Georgia (who barely talk ever, but seem to have this weird telepathy between them. Note to self: must investigate) are in their places. It seems that Ashley is the last to make an entrance.

And then she does. And I nearly fall over.

She is smoking hot tonight. She's wearing these insanely short shorts and a black shirt, unbuttoned save for a one lone button in the middle. Ensconced in a dark purple bra are her breasts, and I think I might start spouting poetry about their utter perfection.

"How are you guys doing tonight?" Her voice sounds especially husky tonight. The crowd cheers and whistles. "I know I'm doing fantastic today! We usually just play the regular set, but tonight it is your choice!"

Everyone goes wild. As it turns out, 'Royal Fuckerzz' are actually something of a hometown favorite. The shitty bar where I first saw them is not their typical venue—it was owned by Chris's sister's brother-in-law or something. Being a recluse is the only reason why I hadn't heard of them. Hell, they've got almost 175,000 plays on last dot fm. (Yes, I looked them up, coz I saw hot pictures of Ashley on that site)

"So I hear that you guys want us to play 'Naïve'?" (Cue thunderous applause). "Okay, here it goes:"

_The drama, detention, suspension of disbelief  
The constant attention offers you no relief  
Your pain is not special, sentence is soaked in deceit  
It's inconsequential and you sing so sweetly_

We all hurt the same  
Convince them completely  
The fires you light rise straight to the heavens

She said to me  
Darling well please don't be so naive  
You could burn like a constellation  
But don't go before I leave

You're poised and you're perfect, face of the fallen destroyed  
Call out and curse it and everything else you avoid  
Your comets burn brighter but you still feel the sting  
They lift up their lighters and sing so sweetly

_We all hurt the same  
Can never defeat me  
The words you sing rain down like the heavens_

She said to me  
Darling well please don't be so naive  
You could burn like a constellation  
But don't go before I leave

You can fool yourself  
And maybe someone else like me  
And if you're anyone's salvation  
Then there's nothing left for me

She said to me  
Darling well please don't be so naive  
You could burn like a constellation  
But don't go before I leave

You can fool yourself  
And maybe someone else like me  
And if you're anyone's salvation  
Then there's nothing left for me

The fires you light rise straight to the heavens 

I didn't hear any of that. I was literally too focused on Ashley's slightly seductive dancing. The band plays a ton more songs, but I can't seem to hear anything except my heart thudding in my chest. Ashley looks out at the audience, and I think she's been making eye-contact with me.

Before I know it, the band finishes off their last song (The Sweat Descends). Ashley clears her throat.

"So, I've been hanging out with this really cool chick for a little while. We met one month to the day ago." There's a few whistles, but most people are looking enraptured. Oh my god, she's talking about me! "She's a straight girl-" hahaha, laughter, etc, "-but even good people make mistakes." More laughter and a few 'I love you's. I am fixated though, by the chocolate brown eyes boring into me. "But I really like her, and want to go on some real dates with her as my girlfriend." She jumps off the stage, and makes her way over to me. "So, Spence, will you be my girlfriend?"


	13. Chapter 15

My mouth is dryer than the fucking Sahara. The entire crowd is looking at me and Ashley. A circle has formed around us, leaving me in the center of everything. Ashley is smiling at me, but I can see that her confidence is dropping as each silent second passes. But I can't seem to will myself to say anything, just stare at with bewilderment. Finally a particularly loud cough breaks me out of my reverie. I can't contain the smile that appears on my face. Pulling her closer, I give her a chaste, but passionate kiss.

"Yes," I tell her, looping my arms loosely around her waist. The crowd cheers, and I receive a breathtaking smile from her in return. From my _girlfriend_.

Ashley turns around, beaming, and yells out the our still very captive audience, "So I think I'm gonna leave now." There are some catcalls and hoots, "Get your minds out of the gutter, folks! Spencer and I are just gonna go have a drink, maybe some pancakes. I definitely want to see all of you guys on Friday, when we will be debuted some new material! Again, amigos, I say adios!"

Another cheer from the audience, and then I'm being dragged from the club by a very quick Ashley. She presses me up against her car, situating her thigh between my legs, and kissing me thoroughly. Long before I want her to, she pulls away and looks me in the idea.

"Did you really mean that, Spence?" she asks, her voice husky. I quirk an eyebrow and tilt my head questioningly. "About being my girlfriend. I mean I kinda put you on the spot."

I nod my head vigorously, "Uh, yes! Yeah, I totally get what you're saying because it is really awful when some dude ropes in a pro sports team into helping him propose to his girlfriend of like five years and then she runs away, and he's like 'what the fuck' and humiliated and shit. So people just agree because they don't want to look like frigid, mean bitches when they really are like 'fuck off, I'm not gonna marry you!'. Not that you asked me to get married, but it's the same principle. Okay, talking way too much. Basically, while I would probably have said yes even if I didn't want to be your girlfriend to save us both embarrassment, I do want to be your girlfriend."

Ashley laughs, and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "You could have just said 'yes' to that, you know."

"Ah, but if I talked like a normal person, you wouldn't be so damn attracted to me? There's something about my manic ramblings that's adorable, right? Not like miniature pig adorable, but like some kind of cute that is adult and hot, too."

She doesn't answer, just chuckles a little before kissing me again, her thigh pressing between my legs teasingly. I slide my arms around her neck and pull her in closer, until her body is pressed against me tightly.

Neither of us are really thinking about the fact that we're in the parking lot of a random club at 2:00 in the morning because Ashley slides her hands under my shirt, gently playing with my belly-button ring. I moan into her mouth as she moves her hands upwards, thumbs brushing against my breasts.

"Woohoo, Ashley, way to get it!"

We break apart instantly, and swivel around to see the speaker of the horrible, annoying interruption. Ashley smiles at the dude, some wasted indie rocker boy stumbling along with a few friends in tow. Meanwhile, I am scowling at him in a way that can only be described as murderous.

"Back off," I mutter quietly, as the douche approaches us, arms wide open. Obviously trying to hug _my_ girlfriend.

"Heeey, Spencer or whatever, I'm gay! Not trying to steal your girl, tasty as she is."

"Don't mind Jackson, he's a lightweight and a friendly drunk," Ashley whispers in my ear, "A big fan of the band. And Chris. So calm down, it's not warranted, though your jealously is kinda sexy."

I narrow my eyes at him anyway, my arm wrapped possessively around her. "Have a nice night, Jack_off_." Ashley elbows me, but the guy doesn't even register. "Jackson, I mean. We need to get going, though."

"Tell Chris I said hi!"

"Okay," Ashley assures him with a smile before opening my car door. Aw, that was sweet! I slide into the seat, my heart pounding. She gets in a second later, and pulls out of the parking lot.

"So, where to? I'm kinda hungry, so I thought maybe we could go to-"

My heart still thudding painfully in my chest, I interrupt her, "You don't want to just go back to your place?"

"Uh, okay." She looks at me with confusion written all over her face, "So you want me to drop you off then?"

"No," I tell her, my lips pressed to her ear.

"You want to come over then?" She still sounds confused.

I just smile and put my hand over hers over the console. Tonight is the night, whether I like it or not.

We've walked through the door, and Ashley is tossing her coat and keys off, offering me a drink.

"Yeah, anything will do. Actually, do you have any tequila or vodka? I wanna do shots."

"Er, alright. You know that I don't drink, right Spence?"

I nod emphatically, "Mmhmm, I just want some for myself. Loosen me up a little bit."

At this, Ashley re-enters the room, and looks down at me, with a slightly concerned air. I'm sitting on her couch, tapping my fingers nervously on the side.

"What?"

"Nothing. You're just acting weird. I mean, you're not a big drinker normally, you always like to go out to eat, and you often go to bed before my grandma does. What's up?"

"Nothing," I tell her, smoothing down my jeans, "Just trying to relax a bit."

A light bulb seems to go off in her head. "Spence, are you worried because you think we have to have sex or something now that we're officially together?"

"No!" I say, hopefully convincingly because I don't want to have this conversation.

"Oh. Sorry then, that must have come out of nowhere then," she says, scratching the back of her head nervously, "Just forget that then."

"No!" I yell again. "I mean, yeah. You're right. I just thought that we should actually _be_ _together_ if we're going to be together."

"I agree! But that doesn't have to be tonight, you know that, Spence. I didn't ask you to be my girlfriend so I could get in your pants."

I smile genuinely, and pat the couch. "Then maybe I'll just take a Coke, and we can talk?"

"Sure, that sounds great."


	14. Chapter 16

**Hello everyone :)**

**Hope to update more often and such, sorry for the long wait, and thanks to everyone who has read, alerted (?), favorited, and reviewed!**

**Anonymous reviewer 'Amazed' motivated me to update. So yeah, reviews are always great!**

I feel sorry for Ashley, I really do. Not letting her tap this, well that's just not fair. I know Kyla said that Ashley hadn't had a girlfriend for a while before me, but I somehow suspect she still got a fair amount of sex. Just the other week, we were in this club and something terrible happened.

_ "Ash, why do we have to go to this stupid club?" I whine, tugging on my girlfriend's jacket._

_ "Aiden wanted to go out for his birthday, and Kyla has the flu, so we need to be here for him."_

_ "But he's not even here right now!"_

_"Well yeah, but I think he's coming later. Maybe. If he can tear himself away. And if I spelled this club's name right on the text. Did you know that there is Club '_Tao_', '_Tau_', and '_Mao_' all within a five mile radius?" She sees the horrified look on my face. "Never mind! C'mon, let's just dance and have fun."_

_ "I've told you, a judge has prohibited me from any kind of dancing in 45 out of 50 states. The potential harm I could cause—I'm like a fucking nuclear bomb. Really. It may surprise you to hear this, but I am," I pause for effect,"a dork."_

_ "Yeah, I've kinda picked up on that. But we are at a club, we're not drinking, and we are sitting in a booth with several upstanding gentlemen leering at us. So I say that we dance, alright?"_

_ "What kind of club name is '_Mao_' anyway?" I ask, trying to stall. "I mean, it's not like he was known to be a partier, right? Is it even Chinese themed? Or communist-y? Would the bartenders only sell one-size-fit-all coke and rums, nothing else?"_

_ "I know what you're trying to do," Ashley tells me with a smile, "And it's not gonna work. So get your cute little butt out the-"_

_ I frown as she trails off, looking at something behind me._

_ "Hello, Ashley," I hear someone say. Someone with 'slut voice'. You know what I'm talking about, those girls that sound like they've just rolled out of bed after an orgy._

_ "Hey," Ashley replies nervously, giving a little wave. "Haven't seen you in a while, Bree."_

_ "Too long," the whore breathes again. I suppose she's attractive if you like that kind of thing..and by thing I mean great body, amazing rack, and beautiful face. Damn._

_ "Hello," I interject, "I'm Spencer. And you are?"_

_ Whorebitch raises her eyebrows disbelievingly, "I'm a friend of your..._friend. _She and I go way back, right Ashley?"_

_ "Mmm, yeah!" Ash agrees, her voice sounding several octaves higher than normal. "Why don't you get one of those coke and rum's you were talking about. I'll take one too!"_

_ This disturbs me more than anything else so far. "You don't drink, baby. What are you doing?"_

_ "_Baby_?" slutbag, I mean Bree, interrupts raising her sculpted eyebrows even higher. "Is this, is this your _girlfriend_, Ash?"_

_ Ashley nervously darts her eyes around before quietly mumbling, "Yes."_

_ This causes the skank to snort. "How the mighty have fallen!"_

_ "What the fuck is that supposed to mean!" I can't help it, this is clearly an insult towards me. And Ashley isn't even helping. "You are a stupid little crack-ho and you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself."_

_ Bree outright laughs at this, "Where did you find this loser?"_

_ "I'll have you know we met at a local knitting circle." Dammit, smart-assery is not always the cool thing to say._

_ "Lay off of her," Ashley mutters quietly._

_ "Fine, but if you want a taste of a real woman again, just give me a call. You know my number." She then stalks off, sliding an arm around a pretty girl almost immediately._

_ "What the hell was that?" I hiss angrily. "Who the hell was that?"_

_ "That was, er, a girl I used to be friends with."_

_ "Friends? Do you normally—what was it, oh yeah-'_taste_' your friends?" _

_ "Well she didn't mean literally, Spence. Really. C'mon, don't let her get to you."_

_ "Were you two fuck buddies." It's not even a question, I already know the answer._

_ She bites her lip, "Spencer, we all have our pasts. I'm not particularly proud of mine."_

_ "Well neither am I, but I don't have strange women coming up to me in clubs and trying to have sex with me!"_

_ At this she grabs me by the shoulders, "Of course not. As you like to remind me, you're straight! It would be dudes coming up to you. And that does happen, right? Haven't guys hit on you tonight? Hmm?"_

_ "You know that isn't the same! Aarghgh! I am so angry I sound like the Abominable Snowman and I am not pleased!"_

_ "Oh look, there's Aiden! Hey!"_

We didn't talk about it after that. But I invited Aiden out to lunch and he told me that Ashley was, and I quote, 'sex dynamite', and a huge player. I swear, that boy is sometimes really dense.

I'm not sure how to bring it up. The longer we're going without having sex, the bigger the leap it seems. Before I didn't want to because I wasn't sure about intimacy with a girl.

Well now that's not a problem. I can freely admit that Ashley turns me on to no end. I'm not ready to start waving a rainbow flag quite yet, but she is a fine piece of ass.

But her record is now this insurmountable obstacle. I don't know how to please a chick, let alone one with so much experience! She's bound to be disappointed and I think I would be devastated if we broke up. It isn't like she's been pushing me, so I don't think she's gonna break up with me for the celibacy thing yet. Usually she pulls away from our pretty hot and heavy makeout sessions and insists that she sleep in the spare bedroom, or the couch if we're at my place.

"So I made a really awesome chocolate souffle, but it fell. So we've got chocolatey goo to eat. Spence, are you even listening to me?"

I jolt up. "Yep. I always listen to you. You have such a nice voice, perfect timbre really. You should be a newscaster. Did you know that they made all of the BBC anchors speak with Received Pronunciation so that they would sound prettier and more 'British'. Sounds awful, right, except that some British accents are horrible! I dunno, but I would rather listen to someone from Appalachia than some person with a ridiculous cockney accent. But I suppose that what I'm thinking of is probably just American actors doing terrible English accents!"

"Spence, you gotta stop going on these long tangents. People will seriously not understand you like I do. The world is a harsh place."

"Oh, so you really understand me?"

"Completely. I know that you'd rather watch 'Bridezillas' more than you would Mad Men, despite what you might tell your film class cronies. I know that you can put away more food than most men—and still look amazing, of course. I know that you go off on those stories because you're nervous or you're trying to deflect attention. And that brings me to this current point. You've been acting really weird all night. What's up?"

"Well we've been dating for a good bit right now. What is it, three months?"

"Give or take."

"And I still haven't put out."

Ashley frowns at this, "You know that I don't want to push you into anything."

"I know! But I know that you're like this sex-fiend maniac and that you sleep with a lot of girls and even a guy sometimes! Which is totally cool, but I don't think I'm giving you what you want and I don't want you to stray elsewhere. And I'm not accusing you of cheating or anything, but it has been a while and you have needs and I'm just really worried that you're going to break up with me and I really, really like you, and," I suck in a huge breath here, "And we've only know each other for four months, but I spend all my time with you and you're becoming like my best friend, and I'm just-"

She cuts me off with a kiss. "Stop worrying."

"I can't! Think about how sexually frustrated you feel. Then imagine that times a billion! I'm not just concerned about you—I want it too. But I'm concerned I'll be shit."

"Don't. You won't be."

"But what-"

"I love you."

**I don't really know what is up with this story. So tell me what you'd like to see. (Cough, that means review, cough).**

**It's really hot where I live, so I might not update soon (that is hick logic right there).**

**Ohh and also..**

**Favorite all time fic (looking for suggestions here)**


	15. Chapter 17

**Hello everyone :)**

**I'm sorry again for the wait, it's inexcusable...**

For perhaps the third time in my life, I am utterly speechless. My eyes are bulging out of their sockets and I feel like I resemble a fish on meth. Ashley is looking at me with a mix of anxiety and amusement, her mouth quirked up as she bites her lip. And for the first time tonight, I really look at her. I've been so wrapped up in my own world that I have been ignoring what's actually here, now. She's just wearing a tank top and a pair of boxers, but I think I might be drooling a little. She does have a very nice body

"That's hot. Just like, really, hot and stuff."

"What did you say?"

"That's hot. I mean, you are. Hot, that is."

"Was I blinking while you hit your head? 'Cause you sound a bit off, Spence, or should I say Paris."

There is still this hint of nervousness in her voice; I realize that I haven't addressed the 'l' word that she just dropped. "Soo, love, huh?"

Ashley sighs a bit, though she does seem relieved that I haven't ran screaming away. "Yep. Somehow the insanity that is Spencer Carlin has taken a hold of me. But I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. It kinda just slipped out."

I nod thoughtfully, "Okay."

"Okay? What does that mean? Okay, I'm glad you care or okay, time to to break up?"

"Hmm. Well first—and I suspect this might be have been your goal all along—this has made you infinitely more hot for some reason. Two, I think I might die if you don't, y'know, _ravage_ me right now. And three, why the fuck are not in bed yet?"

Her mouth drops open, "Uh..." This was clearly not the reaction she was expecting.

I roll my eyes, "Now I've left you speechless, huh?" She just nods and I realize that I'm going to have to make the first move. So I wrap my arms around my girlfriend's neck and pull her into a passionate kiss. This seems to jolt her out of her confusion and she responds eagerly.

"Let's adjourn this meetings and head upstairs."

"Jesus, Spence, this better not be what your pillow talk is like.."

Her bed is softer than I remember it and I can't help but feeling like I gonna have sex in a cloud. We were stumbling up the stairs, unwilling to break our kiss, when Ashley said 'fuck this' and scooped me up. Frankly I'm surprised that she had the strength, but she does work out a fair bit...

I feel Ashley bite down hard on my shoulder and my thoughts drift back to the situation. Glancing down, I can see a red mark forming on my chest, lower down.

"You're gonna leave a mark," I gasp breathlessly.

Ashley flicks her eyes upward, almost completely black. "So?"

It pleases me that she sounds equally as worked up as I feel.

"Well someone might see! It's embarrassing!"

I feel her chuckle against my chest, "Who else is going to be looking underneath your shirt?"

"Good point. Carry on."

"Baby, I'm going to need you to shut up."

"Affirmative."

I feel pleasantly sore when I wake up. The scent of my orange blossom perfume and Ashley's vanilla spice (is it someone's job to come up with these pleasant-sounding names?) swirls around the room. Somewhat to my surprise, it's Ashley who is curled around my body. I'm the big spoon! Crazy, right?

Ashley is still wearing some clothes—her dark blue bra and boxers—while I'm completely bare, naked, in my birthday suit. And I feel surprisingly okay with this, though I'd prefer if we were both the same, but oh well.

So last night was...amazing and different from what I was expecting (I had almost expected that I would need to fake it, but I uh didn't. Not at all.) My girlfriend? Well she is very talented to say the least. Me, on the other, kinda froze up when it was time to reciprocate.

_ "I don't know what to do." I've just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life. I can barely remember my own name, but I know that I want to my girlfriend feel like I just did. Which is to say, amazing. But now I'm awkwardly hovering over her, holding myself up with one hand and trying to caress her with the other (which is totally failing, I think I would be pinching more than anything else)._

_ "Literally?" Ashley asks playfully, tweaking my nose._

_ "No, not literally, of course. Like I just don't know how this all works."_

_ "Not a quick study, eh?"_

_ "Stop making fun of me! I'm completely at a loss right now."_

_ Ashley brushes some hair off my face. "Look, you seem pretty exhausted-" (she _totally_ smirks at this), "-and we have plenty of time for that, so let's just relax and maybe sleep. Okay?"_

_ "Okay."_

I look back down at her and smile before drifting off again. But when I wake from my latest slumber, I notice the bed is cold. There's a note sitting on the pillow in Ashley's handwriting.

_Hey_

_So I looked in your purse for one of those tasty granola bars you always have and I found something interesting. Why do you have a bunch of narcotics in your bag? It was confusing me, so I checked downstairs and found that quite a few of _my_ pain and anxiety pills were missing. It's really odd isn't it?_

_Kyla told me that you used to be a druggie, an addict. She told me about your ex-boyfriend. The one that had the chronic pain issue and managed to lose his percocet about 10 times. Didn't believe any of it at first. But now I'm starting to wonder. I need answers._

**I realize the quality is going down, sorry.**

**But please review and tell me what you thought!**

**No one took my up on my question last time, which was: 'what is your all time favorite fic'**


	16. Chapter 18

**Hello everyone :)**

Shit.

That's the only thing going through my mind. I don't know what to do. My overwhelming instinct is to just tell her she's mistaken. _Of course I didn't take the pills—those are just mints and candies and maybe a few xanax._ _Someone else must have taken the other shit...remember when I kept talking about cat burglars? They are like super-addicts!_

Fuck, I've lost my touch. I'd been good at lying, at least with people who weren't used it. Guess honesty is the only option here. I steady myself, pull on a T-shirt that I see laying on the dresser, and get out of the bed. My phone buzzes on the bedside table, and I flip it open to see several texts from Madison. Goddammit, this is not going to be good. Sighing, I open the first message.

_Spence, where r u?_

_omg ur at ashley's and its really late...watchu up 2 ;)_

_bow chicka wow wow!_

Then four hours later...

_aiden just texted me..wat did u do?_

_drugs spence? really? ...come 2 my place once ur done fuking this up like everything else_

_sorry, that last txt was too harsh...im just so worried..plz call me_

I want to cry as I see my best friend's words. Have I really fucked up my relationship with Ashley? Maybe I have, but I've gotta be strong and honest and find out if this was too much.

There's one more text from a number I don't recognize.

_Stay the fuck away from my sister bitch_

Ah, so Kyla knows as well. Lovely. Just lovely.

Ashley is sitting at the breakfast nook (geez, rich people and their pointless room places) and drinking coffee. It physically hurts me when I see the bags under her eyes and the way she's slumped over the table. Her eyes flicker over to me, red from crying, and then she motions for me to sit down.

"Have a seat, Spence," she says huskily, but not with the sexy rasp that I like. More depressed and tired, like she's been sobbing. It sickens me.

"Haha, you sound like Chris Hansen. 'Why don't you take a seat, Spencer. Just why exactly are you here with that box of condoms and teddy bear'?" I'm hoping to get at least a weak smile, but Ashley just frowns more.

"This isn't something to fucking joke about. You've gotta be serious, okay? No cutesy behavior is going to fix this. I want answers, I want them now, and then I want you to get the fuck out of my house and out of my life."

I shake my head slowly and slide into the chair next to my girlfriend, or rather soon-to-be-ex girlfriend. "So, the pills...I can't really explain it that well. I shouldn't have taken them."

Ashley nods at me before her face twists up in an ugly scowl. Well it's ugly in the sense that it looks mean and hurtful, not that she doesn't look beautiful...cuz she totally does, even with smeared mascara and puffy cheeks. "So when did you decide that I was gonna be your new supplier?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb, Spencer," she snaps, "When did you decide that you were going to use me to fuel your little habit? After you found the pills in the bathroom? When was that, after our second date? Was that when you thought you could take advantage of the idiot lesbian? Make me fall in love with you? I should have known better than to trust you. Jesus, is that why you've never even touched me?" I don't respond, just look at her stupidly with my mouth hanging open, since that is so completely off the mark.

"I didn't-"

"Stop. I don't want to hear any lies. Any more lies, that is." She shakes her head sadly. "I knew I shouldn't have starting dating you, definitely shouldn't have fallen for you, but I didn't expect this level of betrayal. The worst I thought you could do was realize that you were 100% straight and break up with me. So wrong."

"Ashley, you've got to stop interrupting me. _Listen_. I starting dating you as a bit of an experiment, not gonna lie. You knew I asked you out as part of a dare. And I did find the little narcotic pharmacy the first time I came here to your house. I grabbed some stuff—I couldn't help myself, okay? I've told you I was an addict. What was it that you said a while ago, 'we all have our pasts'? Well I'm not too proud of mine either. I can promise you that I never used you, never ingested any of the shit that I took, and never intended to hurt you in any way."

"Really?" she asks, still sounding broken.

"Yes," I tell her softly, pulling her face up so that I can look into her eyes. "I lo—care for you so much. I'm so sorry that I've made you feel this way."

"This isn't some elaborate hoax to keep getting pills?"

"No. Lock them up, count them every night, do whatever you need to make you feel safe. I understand if you don't trust me right now, but I swear that I'm telling the truth."

Ashley nods nervously, then kisses me lightly on the lips. "So I want to know what the story is...the whole story. About your past. If this relationship is going to work, we need to have transparency."

It's my turn to nod nervously. "Okay. It started when I moved here to LA...

_I was really naïve when we moved here during my freshman year of high school. I was 15. Back in Ohio, I had a lot of friends and was really happy go lucky. But here, here I was made fun of for being a small town hick. I was innocent in a lot of ways—I'd only kissed a few boys and had never done any kind of drug. Never smoked a joint or got drunk or anything. For the first few weeks of school, I sat alone at lunch and cried myself to sleep every night. So when I was invited to this huge party that one of the most popular seniors was holding, I was ridiculously excited. But it turned out to be this Carrie-esque situation. This queen-bee type girl taunted me and told me to do a line of coke. Like the huge dork I was, I said that I wouldn't do drugs and that it wasn't very Christian to do so... So yeah, everyone laughed at me. I ran as far as I could away from his house and only stopped when I bumped into this guy who was on his way to the party. He was very popular, very hot, and very into partying. He asked me what was wrong and I just started sobbing. In an effort to shut me up or ditch me or something, he handed me a pill._

_'Take this, it'll help'_

_I was terrified to take it—my parents would kill me if they found out, I didn't want to lose control, a multitude of other reasons. But he was smiling at me and didn't seem to care that he was talking to a social pariah. And I wanted to prove to myself that I could be rebellious. Why the fuck not, right? So I popped it in my mouth. It was ecstasy, pretty pure stuff actually. Needless to say, I felt a lot better._

_Joel—the guy—convinced me to come back to the party with him. I did and once people got over the fact that it was me again, they started treating me better. The confidence I had was electric. I danced with a bunch of people, drank and made some friends...well not real friends, but superficial relationships. The next day I had a killer hangover and felt like shit. _

_I couldn't believe what I had done, but more than that, I wanted to do it again. So I called Joel, asked him if he had any more good shit. He told me to come to his house and he would 'help me out'. When I got there, he made a move on me. I froze up and he realized that I wasn't gonna do anything sober. So we smoked a bowl, drank some rum (because it tasted the best to me), and made out. He convinced me to give him a hand job to pay him back. I really, really didn't want to—like I said, I had no experience. But I did and then he gave me a little weed to take home and the number of his dealer._

_When I went back to my house, I felt even shittier than I had earlier in the morning. So I called Joel's hookup and from there I just started using more and more. Joel was my boyfriend, in a sense. Well I considered him my boyfriend, he just thought of me a fun diversion. He took my virginity soon after we met and we started having sex pretty often. It hurt so much the first time that I insisted on getting high or drunk before. He didn't care—I didn't care about cuddling or anything, so it was a guy's fuck buddy dream. Joel had a lot of friends that he introduced me to. Not as his girlfriend, but as a 'really cool chick'. But they weren't real friends and my self-esteem continued to plummet. I became addicted to cocaine and it started to show badly. I had been on the cheerleading squad for a while, but then I dropped one of the girls due to me being off my face at the time. Madison was the captain of the JV team and she straight out asked what my problem was. I ended up sobbing out the whole thing and she told our guidance counselor._

_I ended up in rehab for the first time. My parents were angry and concerned, but they chalked my addiction up to the trauma of moving._

_I stayed sober for 21 weeks after I got out. I spent a lot of time with Madison, brought my grades up, and avoided Joel and his friends. It all came crashing down when my grandmother got cancer. She was my rock, my favorite relative. It was pancreatic cancer and terminal. So I drank to forget. But that stopped working, so I went back to my old habits. That led to my second trip to rehab._

_Third time in rehab was after the cops found a shit ton of stuff in my backpack._

_And the fourth was due to a major relapse after starting college. I couldn't take the transition. So that's it, my sordid story._

I take a deep breath after I finish and down the rest of Ashley's coffee.

"Wow..." she says, eyes big. "I never would have guessed that. Thank you for explaining and sharing that with me."

I nod vigorously, "Yep. You are-were in love with a weak addict."

She surprises me by pulling me closer by my shirt and kissing me passionately. "I'm still in love with you, Spence. Madly and completely in love. Your past isn't going to change that."

**So...what do you think?**

**You could tell me in a review (nudge, nudge)**


	17. Chapter 19

**Sorry for the wait!**

My mouth drops open when the words register. _Still in love?_ _I can deal with that_. I hadn't even considered the possibility that Ashley still loved me, which is stupid now that I think about it. The only two options in my head for the resolution of this chat were A) getting thrown out on my ass or B) getting thrown out on my ass and having a warrant put out for my arrest.

"Well I hope you can deal with it, cuz I plan on sticking around for a while," Ashley says, interrupting my reverie, her eyes twinkling and nose-crinkling. (I am a secret poet, don't you know it!)

Hmmm. Did I say all that out loud?

"You do mumble when you think sometimes," she points out kindly, sliding her hand into mine and interlacing our fingers.

"I do not!" I immediately retort. That would make me seem like a blithering idiot, which I'm sure she realizes.

"Did it again, Spence. You know you do it. It's rather cute most of the time, though it was kinda embarrassing when you started whispering about wanting to tear my clothes off when we were volunteering at the retirement home. Not to mention inappropriate."

"Isolated incident!" I know my defense isn't the best, but I continue on, "You were wearing a tiny, midriff-revealing, too-tight shirt and shorts that would be too long on a newborn..if they wore shorts. Basically you were sex on a stick. Who wouldn't be reduced to half-wit mumblings!"

"Well Mrs. Miller was certainly able to keep the lecherous comments to herself, though I'm not quite sure that her frail faltering mind was full of perverse sexual thoughts about me."

"She could have been fantasizing about you, imagining all the things she wanted to do to you in that closet with all the pillows and the cans of sanitizing wipes and some spare nurse-type outfits!"

This comment earns me a smirk. "That is a very specific scenario, Spence. Clearly the only person perving on me then was you."

I purse my lips, not willing to cede the point. "Maybe she told me that herself. You are pretty irresistible!"

"Spencer, she was about 85 years old, heterosexual, and mostly blind. Plus, ewww. Old people don't think about sex." I raise a skeptical eyebrow at this. "That is my view, and I will stand by it to the death. The other option is just too horrifying to consider. Once you are a member of AARP, you stop all that lurid type of thoughts and just start thinking about caramels and bingo and reminiscing about the good ol' days."

"The good ol' days of orgies and unnatural positions and partners! I was once walked in on grandparents having a threesome with the maid. So yeah, the oldies still engage in all sorts of carnal pleasures."

Her eyes bug out, "Are you serious! That's horrifyingly disgusting! Did you go to therapy!"

"Well, simply put, no. As you can see, I am alive and well in front of you. Had the preceding event actually occurred, I would have put my eyes out and gone into an induced coma. I was simply making a point. My grandparents are definitely very bland and vanilla in that department. Probably..all sorts of Catholic repression."

"It's not a very good point if you use fictitious evidence!" she says, gesturing wildly, " Oh hey, I saw Obama teleport into a mosque yesterday—everyone was right when they said he was a Muslim wizard!"

I think of something to say back, something brilliant and funny and all sorts of shit, but then I realize something more important. Ashley has began to speak crack-talk, my kind of crack-talk, and it is all thanks to me. I should really take a bow. "Hey, do you realize that we've just had an utterly useless and bizarre conversation. My craziness has rubbed off on you."

I bump our hips together, a smug smile forming on my lips.

Ashley dips her head a little bit, and bites her lip in that sexy way that drives me crazy. "I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily."

"Nope, it isn't. But it did distract us from talking about everything," I say sadly, wishing that we didn't have to go over our issues. We do need to discuss everything, though. "I think we should talk about us, my fuck-ups, the future, etc."

Ash looks down sadly herself, "Yeah, I suppose so."

"Do you forgive me? I love y—having you as a girlfriend, and I don't want to lose that. Can we still be together?" I ask, feeling more vulnerable that I have in ages. She might still be in love with me, but circumstances can force even the most besotted people apart. Love isn't enough every time.

"Of course!" she says vehemently, "Spence, you've made mistakes. But I don't care. I don't give a fuck if you used to burglarize nunneries or were an arsonist or even if you wrote poetry about Edward Cullen."

I feel a grin coming on, my heart pounding with excitement, "So no harm done?"

Ashley shakes her head at this. "No, not quite. I don't want you to relapse and I don't want you to be tempted by stuff I have around. And it did kinda screw with my ability to trust you."

The giddy feeling welling up in my chest turns to ice, I grit my teeth as I manage to force out, with false nonchalance,"So what, we aren't going to spend time together anymore? I can't come over here?"

"I didn't say that, Spence," Ashley reassures me, squeezing my hand in hers, "I want to create an environment that is conducive to your recovery. So if that means that I have to lock up my pills, count them up, or anything else that could help you, I'll do it. But none of this will change our relationship, or what we have. We just have to be careful."

"I really appreciate that you can be understanding," I tell her, "I really am touched. Not touched in the head, okay well maybe I'm a little touched in the head, but touched that you're willing to give me a chance even after knowing everything that I've done."

My head is spinning a little after this. After realizing that someone else is willing to go the distance, isn't going to give up. That someone loves me for me, wants to be with me. And doesn't just see me as a whore giving out sexual favors or a drug hook-up or a distraction. My heart feels so heavy, so full.

"I'm not going to lie and say that I'm thrilled with your decisions as of late, but everyone deserves a second chance," she ponders something, then amends her statement, "Or in your case, a fifth chance."

I lean in to kiss her, intending it to be a chaste kiss expressing my gratitude and love, but as soon as our lips touch, it turns passionate and deep. She pushes me up against the refrigerator, hard, hands pushing on my shoulders. Her lips attack my neck, sucking and licking, then alternately pressing soft kisses against my skin. My hands slide under her barely-there shirt, fingers trailing over her lacy bra.

"Off," I moan as she sucks on my earlobe, "Your shirt needs to go."

She pulls away from me, sucking in a chestful of air, and looking at me like she wants to devour me. Her eyes are much darker than normal and I wonder how deep of a blue my own eyes have turned.

I try and tug her shirt off, but the goddamn buttons won't seem to come free, probably because my fingers are trembling and shaking too much. The anticipation of what is sure to come making me lightheaded.

"Fuck it," I say, my voice taking on a husky, desperate quality. My fingers rip the shirt open, buttons falling on the floor as Ashley gives me a look of pure lust. I start pressing wet, open-mouth kisses down her neck, to her collar bone. Her hand tangles in my hair before she roughly pulls me up and kisses me hard.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard that you forget your name," Ashley whispers into my ear, licking the shell of my ear as my unsteady fingers unclasp her bra. Her hands finds the button on my jeans, sliding them down with ease. She presses barely-there kisses to my neck and chest, sometimes just nuzzling her nose against my skin, sometimes biting down hard.

Against the refrigerator, I can keep myself standing up even though my knees have turned to jelly. The intense fire forming in the pit of my stomach threatens to overtake me, but I struggle to keep my eyes open. I look down at my girlfriend, whose predatory look sends another jolt through me.

Ashley takes care in removing my panties, and I can almost detect a slight tremble in her fingers. Once off, she gazes into my eyes, her look full of lust and desire and love.

"Spence," she says, her voice raspy, "Can I fuck you? Can I make you come?"

A wave of arousal hits me with her words, and all I can do is breathlessly nod. Ashley grins at me as she starts sliding onto her knees. Her head lingers around my waist as she sucks in a few breaths.

"Mmm, you smell delicious," Ashley moans, starting to lay kisses up my thighs. Her fingers push my legs wider open, giving her full access.

I feel like I'm about to explode already. Just the thought of her going down on me has me on fire.

Her hot breath against my skin makes me tremble. My hands find the back of her head, fingers running through luscious curls, as I push her towards her destination.

Then the doorbell rings. Once, then twice, then three times. No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY.

"Ignore it," I gasp, pushing Ashley's head back down, after she bobbed away, looking towards the door.

"I'm not stopping for anything, baby," she says, her own breath laborious, resuming her position.

"OPEN THE DOOR!"

It is a distinctive voice, one that fills me with detest. Maddie. I love her, of course, but not when she is interrupting hot almost-sex with my girlfriend.

"SPENCER! Are you okay? Has she killed you? Have you killed her and stolen her stuff? You haven't answered any texts! DO I NEED TO CALL 911!"

Jesus Christ, she has to be melodramatic, doesn't she?

Several more doorbell rings follow this, each seeming to increase in volume and annoyance. Having someone hysterically yelling at us really turns the mood around. But even with someone pounding at the door, I would rather continue with my thorough fucking before attending to anyone else's needs.. Who cares if Maddie is worried? Who cares if she thinks I've skipped out on town?

I care about my future orgasm a helluva lot more than Maddie's peace of mind.

"SPENCE, OH MY GOD, I WILL BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN!"

Ashley looks up from her position on the floor. I can see defeat in her eyes, eyes still black with lust and appraising my body.

"We have to stop." Ashley sounds resigned, saddened, pissed. I feel the same, but with extra pissiness, a deep depressive wave coming over my mood, and thoroughly put out. Maddie is always trying to get me laid, and when I finally am gonna, she has to ruin it.

Rolling my eyes, I slide my clothes back on while Ashley refastens her bra and drapes the mostly destroyed shirt over her body.

We stand in the kitchen, slightly sweaty and smelling of sex, just looking at each other.

"You look like you were about to have some hot sex," I say sadly, adjusting Ashley's shirt so that she has at least a semblance of modesty.

"Yeah, you do too, Spence." She reaches out for a hug, which I gladly give her. Her body molds towards mine, fitting perfectly against me. Her head rests on my shoulder as she says quietly. "I love you."

I feel my heart start thudding again, a lump in my throat forming. "I-I love—"

DING DONG

DING DONG

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

We both turn towards the front of the house, scowls forming on our mouths.

"Fuck Madison." I growl.

"Fuck Madison," Ashley agrees.

**Lemme know what you think!**


	18. Chapter 20

**Update!**

**Not as long a wait :P**

"Let's just open the door, reassure her, and send her on her way. We can continue with our previous activities," I suggest to Ashley, trailing my fingers across her abs.

I get a small moan for my troubles as Ashley's eyes flutter closed.

She shivers slightly before saying seriously, "Yeah...I migh-t have to kill her, Spence. I know she's your best friend and all, but I am way too turned on to deal with this."

I lean in and kiss her softly on the lips, pulling away before it turns into anything else. "Yeah, I'll help you hide the body. But really this shouldn't take very long."

"Okay," she says, pauses and adds, "That's the true measure of a relationship—becoming an accessory to murder."

I roll my eyes and push her towards the entrance.

Ashley opens the door, me right behind her. Maddie stands on the doorstep, looking concerned and innocent and not at all like the terrible fucking distracting ass that she is. God, it makes me sick seeing her look at us with her big eyes and the slight fear in them—trying to make us soft, obviously.

Ashley glares at Maddie, a murderous angry evil-eyed scowl that is strangely attractive..I've never seen Ashley look so angry, so pissed off, so ready to strangle someone. Her arms are folded tightly, foot tapping irritably. The thought that this, this death-stare and agitation, was brought on because of how much she wanted to fuck me sends another slightly unpleasant jolt of arousal through my body.

"Hey!" Maddie says excitedly, happy that we finally opened the door. "Is everything okay?"

_AARGH! Everything is not okay! I am extremely sexually frustrated, all because of you! Also, you don't pound on someone's door for like forever if you think everything is okay!_

"Yes," Ashley says tersely, answering for both of us, "We were doing very '_okay_' before you arrived."

Maddie's head bobs up as she looks behind Ashley to try and meet my eyes. I stare back defiantly, resisting the urge to put my hands around her skinny neck and wring it.

"Spencer, did you leave the stove on? Is there milk in the cupboard?" Madison says dramatically, eyes wide and making ridiculous hand gestures. How do you make hand gestures for leaving a stove on? Who knows...certainly not Maddie. That was our code, btw, so that if we were ever kidnapped or held against our will, then we could secretly ask for help. Of course, in this real scenario, Madison sounds completely sketchy and a bit like she was dropped on her head as a baby.

"It's okay," I say, complete with my own wild gestures, "We are doing just fine."

"Okay? It doesn't sound like you guys are okay..Can I come in?" She inches towards the door, almost getting a foot inside.

I think Ashley's head might explode, her breathing becoming all short and tight. She strategically moves in front of the doorframe, blocking Maddie's path. I jump in, rescuing Maddie from the torrent of rage sure to pour out of my girlfriend's, and say with as much feigned cheeriness, "Of course. C'mon in, Maddie. You weren't interrupting anything important."

My voice trembles a little on that last sentence, because it was such a complete and total lie. The sugar-sweet smile I have on my face feels very unnatural, but I think it's pretty convincing. Ashley's eyes flit over to me, disbelief evident on her face.

"Nothing important?" she says flatly, turning around to face me.

"No," I reply steadily, trying to communicate nonverbally that I am completely bullshitting in order to make Madison go the fuck away. Our eyes meet, and her steely expression softens a bit.

"Are you guys sure?" Maddie asks, sounding a bit frightened. "You are both acting really, really weird. I'm sensing a lot of anger right now. I was watching an episode of Dr. Phil where they were discussing the complications that people have in relationships where addiction is also present. And they said violence sometimes happens, abuse, just hurtful things..."

"We're fine, Maddie," I say again, "A-okay. We literally could not be better. It's like we're in Candy Land, riding on unicorns over a rainbow, while being serenaded by a choir of adorable cherubic attractive children, and we are just awesome." Ashley rolls her eyes at this...she's being a lot more short-tempered than usual.

"I don't believe you, Spence," Maddie retorts angrily, "Don't keep lying to me! That shit is definitely not true! You guys are obviously very upset and angry. I am just trying to help, and you have to let me in!"

Ashley snorts disbelievingly, her hands balling into fists. "Have to let you in? Nope, no, we don't. We have to get a restraining order."

Maddie frowns, pointing at Ashley angrily, "Look at you! It's apparent that you two have been fighting! Your shirt is ripped, both of you are rather red in the face and sweaty, and both of you guy's pupils are really dilated—a sign of lying, which you're doing to me right now! Plus Ashley has a definite bruise on her neck!"

_Yes, that would be the hickey I just gave her_.

"For fuck's sake, Madison," Ashley yells, "We weren't fighting—we were fucking, you thick-headed bimbo idiot! My head was between Spencer's legs when you starting pounding on the door and ringing the goddamn bell!"

I know that I should feel a bit embarrassed by Ashley's outburst, but once again the coils in my lower abdomen twist, making me even more wet.

Madison steps back, a look of shock passing over her features, "...Oh...oh..ohhh.."

"Yeah..." I say slowly, stepping between Ashley and Madison, pasting on what I hope is a normal looking smile. "So... we really are all good over here, thanks for the concern. I'll fill you in on all the details later, alright?"

Maddie's face has gone white, eyes darting nervously between Ashley and me, and fumbles to get her keys out of her purse.

"Oh no," she says shakily, "No need to tell me any more details! Um, bye! Have fun and be, uh, safe. Not that you would need to use anything, you're just all good with me. I'll call you later—no wait, I will not call or anything, just wait for you! No more initiation on my part!"

She practically runs to the car, drops her purse, and yanks it up ungracefully before speeding out of the driveway, tires squealing.

Ashley breaks out into a huge smile after she's gone, looking at me eagerly before waving enthusiastically to Maddie's retreating form. "Drive safely!"

When Maddie's car has turned off the street, Ashley turns to me, smiling and laid back. "Well, that went well, didn't it?"

"Are you crazy? That went terribly," I groan as we walk back inside. "Now Maddie thinks we're perverts or something."

"For having sex? Oral sex is very common, y'know."

"Well no one needs to know!"

"Spencer, we've been dating for four months—I think it's safe to say that everyone knows we're sleeping together."

"Yeah, I suppose so. But I don't want to rub it Maddie's face...she might think it's weird." I'm not really upset, but I want to see what Ashley will say. Though now it seems like I'm some nervous girl in her first relationship.

I immediately regret pushing when I see Ashley's face fall, her arm dropping from my shoulder. "Because I'm a chick?"

I laugh, "No, Madison got over her homophobia a long time ago. We, well _I_, don't talk about sex with her a lot. Or at all."

"Oh. Well then I'm sorry," Ashley says, hanging her head. "I was just very on edge, I didn't mean to make things awkward with your friend."

Aww, she looks so cute now. "You didn't," I reassure her. "And that whole bitchy-angry side of you is really hot, just sayin'."

She smiles and looks up at me, biting her lip, "Oh, it is?"

"Yeah," I say, bringing my lips up to her ear, "It made me want to fuck you right there on the porch."

I see with some delight that she swallows heavily, but then her lips on on mine, tongue slipping into my mouth easily. Before I can even respond, she pushes up against the door, hard, her hand immediately sliding between my legs, stroking me through my pants.

"Mmm," I moan breathlessly, "Let's move this to the bed, baby."

She nods, pressing kisses down my neck, hand still pressing against me teasingly. Neither of us can pull away from the other long enough to move towards the stairs, and I'm starting to care less and less about making it to the bed. Ashley's destroyed shirt falls to the floor first, followed by my tank top.

Ashley breaks off our desperate kissing after a few moments, resting her forehead against my shoulder, chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. I let my eyes slowly rake over her body, clad in just her bra and panties. It's a beautiful sight; slim but muscular, and with all the right curves. I'm slightly shocked when I feel a sharp pain before I realize that Ashley has bitten my shoulder.

"Getting distracted already, baby?" she says huskily, "Coz I'm expecting you to keep up."

Fuck me. "Is that a challenge?" I say, raising my eyebrow. I don't wait for her to respond, instead I reach my hands down to the back of her ass, and pick her up. Her body molds against mine as she wraps her legs around my waist. I can feel her arousal coating me through her panties onto my stomach, and suddenly it all seems too much. My mind goes haywire, on overdrive.

I don't know how I manage to carry her up the stairs, our lips never leaving each other's bodies for long as we find our way to her bedroom. Ashley shucks off the rest of her clothes quickly, tossing them away in the corner before pulling my pants off hard. Even though I try to control the frantic kisses and caresses, Ashley soon has me under her on the bed, completely undressed. Her hard kisses against my neck trail from my collarbone to my breasts, where she lingers for several seconds or minutes or hours, I don't know, I've lost all concept of time. It's only when her wet mouth reaches my navel am I able to come to my senses, no pun intended. It's her time now.

"Ash, I wanna," I gasp, gesturing towards her, "Y'know..."

She looks up briefly, pupils fully dilated, and says shortly, "No."

"No?" I ask breathlessly, my heart still pounding in my chest.

"No," she repeats. She pauses for a second after this, then moves up against me, my body flush against hers. I can feel her heart racing in her chest, the faint sheen of sweat, and the wetness coating my thigh. "Look at me, Spence."

I open my eyes to see her looking at me directly, a distinctly carnal look in her own eyes. She smiles genuinely, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear and giving me the most loving gaze I've ever seen. "Spence..."

She ducks her head before looking up again, the predatory gleam stronger now, and rasps out, "I don't want you to ever use again. No more chemical highs."

I nod dumbly, still paralyzed by the sensation of her naked body against mine. "Um, of course not." I can't keep the confusion out of my voice. Maybe it's just the lust and pleasure in my brain, but it doesn't make sense to me.

"I love you, Spencer," she continues, "And I want to be your only drug, okay?"

I nod again. Ashley starts kissing down my body again, and I can feel her smiling against my skin when I moan. She reaches her destination, where her fingers have already been rubbing teasingly against me.

"That means, Spence," she says, obviously trying to keep her voice calm and level though I can detect a faint tremble, "that any time you want, no, _need _to escape or feel good, you just tell me."

Before I can respond, her tongue is against me, and all thoughts leave my head. I can vaguely hear someone moaning loudly as I twist my fists in the sheets, and by the time I realize that it's me, Ashley's fingers have joined her mouth, hot and wet.

I can feel myself getting close, my breathing becoming more constricted, and Ashley looks up for a second, face coated in my arousal, and says, "I love you...and will make you cum so hard that you forget about anything else. That you only sense me."

That sends me over the edge, as I call out Ashley's name. Ashley reaches up and threads our fingers together, the sensation of her against me still feeling like a hot poker rod. I pull her up for a searing kiss, moaning when I taste myself on her tongue. My brain feels blank—no it feels full of one singular entity: Ashley.

Before I even catch my breath, Ashley starts moving against me again.

"Baby," I manage to say, my voice weak, "I can't, I, I..."

She doesn't seem to listen, just moves a little slower, and mumbles against me, "I don't wanna stop."

Some time later, I have no conception of just how much later, we are basking in a post-coital glow. Ashley is curled around me, hand resting between my breasts, almost over my heart; the other is clenching my hand tightly.

"That...that was mind-blowing," I tell her, voice slightly hoarse.

She grins, her head still resting in the crook of my neck. "I'm glad, baby. I meant it, too. What I said about you using..any time you feel the urge, call me or text. And I'll be there, every time."

She shifts slightly, allowing our eyes to meet. I can feel myself getting a bit choked up. "Thanks..that...that really means a lot. Promise of sex is always good."

Ashley pulls our intertwined hands up and kisses my knuckles. "Anything you need Spence. Sex is definitely good-" I raise my eyebrows "-amazing, but I will do whatever it takes. If you need someone to listen to, or to hold you, or to keep you hostage so you can't harm yourself, or fuck you senseless, or make love to you slowly.." she starts to chuckle, "or watch trashy TV shows together, or cook, or I'll play you music..I just love you, Spencer."

I feel sappy when I notice that my eyes have gotten a bit teary, but I also feel full and complete, for the first time in a very long while. Ashley wipes the tears away and kisses me softly.

"Scared?" she says lightly, but we both know there's a heavy undertone.

"No," I say, a smile forming on my lips. "Just really, really happy."

"Good," she says and nestles back in, clearly sleepy.

It's only when Ashley's breathing evens out and her eyes shut tight that I can finally vocalize what I've been trying to say all day. I kiss her on the head and murmur, "I love you too."

**Tell me what you think!**

**We will find out more about Ashley's past next chapter!**

**And thanks to all the people who review/alert/fav this story—it really motivates me and is really nice :)**


	19. Chapter 21

**Dark matters ahead...Ashley's past.**

I wake up a few hours later, a bit sore, a lot happy. My still sleeping girlfriend is curled around me, and I'm delighted to say that we are both naked. Yay! The teenage boy in my head (his name is Charles) appreciates the current state of undress, as do I. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps, and I feel like I can say that without sounding like the creepiest person ever. She shivers a little, snuggling closer to my body, murmuring 'mm Spence'. It's not inappropriate for me to find this completely hot, right? My eyes rake over her body one last time, noticing for the first time a small tattoo on her leg. Well...her thigh. Inner thigh. For the sake of art purposes and admiring a tattoo artist's handiwork, I examine the design. My interest is obviously purely intellectual.

But it still makes my heart race a bit as I run my fingers over the mix of tribal lines and flowers. The moan I receive is quite the bonus, but sleeping beauty still doesn't wake up. It's quite pretty, for a tattoo. I'll have to ask her about that later.

Running my fingers through my hair, I disentangle myself from Ashley's grip, slipping on my pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Sexy, I know. I wonder briefly whether Kyla is home..I don't want her to get any ideas or to see anything through the thin white shirt I'm wearing, obviously not wearing a bra. My thirst and hunger drive me forward, and I'm glad to see that it appears that Kyla is involved in her own love-fest at Aiden's still. Those two are pretty gross, always making out and shit.

Ashley's fridge never has anything too tasty in it, mainly healthy things. Ghastly stuff, it is. I though I was eating some funny looking jello, and it turned out to be fucking tofu. Who the hell eats tofu? Vegetarians and other feeble-minded people who don't know the pleasure of a juicy steak or fried chicken or other hedonistic delights. Damn, I'm making myself hungry just talking.

I finally find a slice of pizza that is either moldy or topped with feta cheese. I'm hoping it's cheese, but I'm not feeling too picky right now. What I really want to do is return to bed and have sex with Ashley again. And then repeat the process.

Lucky for me, my meal turns out to be a semi-stale slice of Greek pizza, chased by a beer. Fuck yeah, pizza, beer, and sex. This is a good day.

"Spence?" I hear Ashley calling.

"Hey," I respond, mouth still slightly full, "I'm just getting something to eat-" I take a swig of beer, "and drink."

"Oh," she says, walking into the kitchen behind me. "I should have known. You have a seriously impressive metabolism. I'm very jealous, I can't eat pizza and beer for every meal."

"Too bad for you," I agree, finished with my meal and ready for the next step in my perfectly planned sequence...it's sex, if you forgot. I embrace my barely clothed girlfriend, putting my chin on her shoulder. "But..I'm sure you burned up some calories earlier, right?"

I'm intending it to be sexy, but it comes out more clinical than alluring. Ashley doesn't seem to mind.

"Mmm," she moans against my skin, "Yeah. When I woke up, I was sad to see you weren't there. Thought we could have a nice repeat."

I don't answer, just smile coyly and drag her back to the bedroom.

"I don't really do sex in food preparation areas," I tell her, pulling the door closed. "It's not sanitary. You don't put raw chicken on the counter, you don't fuck on the counter."

"Spence, shut the fuck up," she says against my lips, hands sliding my shirt off. I give her an offended sort of look, earning me a smile. "I love you, of course. But you need to using that mouth for silly purposes when it is needed elsewhere."

She pushes me down on the bed, shedding her own shirt and boxers, so that we're both naked again. Her mouth begins to make a trail from my neck to my breasts, and though I'm entering into a haze of lust, I don't want this. Wait. I do want it, but I think it's high time for Ashley to 'get some'.

Making use of my slight height and weight advantage, I flip her on her back. Trying to channel my inner dominatrix, a loving dominatrix, if at all possible.

"What are you doing?" she breathes out, with a seeming hint of fear.

"I'm going to make you feel good," I say, kissing her neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

"No, no. It's okay, Spence."

I pull away for a second, looking at her concerned face. "But I want to. Don't worry."

"No," she says, pushing me off and looking disturbed, "No, I don't think you're ready."

Wait. What? "I don't know what that means. I am most certainly ready. I've read a manual."

"But emotionally, probably not," she tells me, sounding very firm. She removes my hand, and starts to kiss me again, like I'll just let the matter go. Hmm, this is not the response I was looking for.

"The correct thing to do when your girlfriend is trying to fuck you is to lay back and enjoy it," I remind her, sliding my hand between her legs. "And I am emotionally ready. I don't need to fight my budding penchant for lesbian sex. Believe me, I'm going to enjoy this."

I smile reassuringly at her before kissing her lovingly, passionately, my hand starting to move against her.

"No!" Ashley yells, throwing me off of her. I ungracefully slip off the bed, toppling onto the floor. "I don't...I don't want you to!"

I can't keep the hurt out of my eyes and voice, as I nervously ask, "Is it because you think I'll be shitty?"

She isn't making eye contact, has her head in her hands, and ignores my question.

Feeling cold and exposed, I pull on my shirt and shorts before I get back into the bed. She doesn't kick me out or yell, doesn't acknowledge me at all.

"Ashley, are you okay?" I ask, suddenly full of dread and worry. It's a stupid question, as she clearly is not okay. "Baby?"

She finally looks at me, a bit teary and shakes her head. "I...I just am not comfortable."

"I'm sorry," I say, the unbidden tears in my eyes stinging, "I didn't mean to force anything or push you. I just wanted to..I'm sorry."

Contrary to my hope, this statement does not calm her down at all. Instead, the tears flow more, light sobs emanating from the shaking girl next to me.

"No," she says finally, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. "It's not you."

"Oh.." I respond dully, having just heard the oldest cop-out in the book. "Then what is it?"

"Umm," she mumbles, hand shaking slightly, "I just have had some bad experiences in the past."

"You don't have to tell anything more, but I'm really worried, Ash. I want to know that you're okay, that we're okay...if we are still okay, that is." I'm suddenly stuck with a sinking pit in my stomach, heart palpitations and dread.

"I don't want to bog you down with it, or mess up this-" she gestures between us, "-just because of a stupid problem..but I suppose I should explain." She looks torn.

"Yeah," I say with false levity, "Just go ahead and tell me. It'll be okay." I kiss her hand lightly. "C'mon, I told you about my sordid past...not to pressure you or anything."

"I..I was attacked at a party," Ashley whispers slowly.

"What? When?" My protective senses go into overdrive, heart starts racing, palms become sweaty, adrenaline rushing through my veins.

"Like six years ago. I was really, really drunk. Some guy came on to me, I wasn't really interested. But I led him on a little bit, and next thing I know he's on top of me. I blacked out at the start, woke up, tried to push him off. But I was too inebriated to do anything."

"Shit! That's terrible! Did you report him?" If not, I decide, I will hunt him down and castrate him. It's the only logical thing to do.

"Sadly, no. I was embarrassed, and he kept going around telling people that he had gotten me, that I was his latest conquest. I didn't think anyone would believe me, over him, since I was so drunk and all."

"Ashley, that's really really awful. I'm so sorry." I lean over, pulling her into my arms. She lets me hold her, sitting in the now-silent room. A heavy air descends around us; I feel completely out of my depth, and utterly helpless to aid the girl I love.

"Yeah," she says eventually. "So I got depressed, started cutting, binge-drinking. My mom, absentee bitch that she is, didn't notice. No one did. It was only when I crashed my car that they put me in the hospital. Gave me my pills, recommended therapy, and discharged me, all in about three months. I never tried to press charges against the asshole because I figured that there was no evidence, and that I wouldn't be a good witness, seeing as I was blacking out drunk."

"Wow," I say, shocked and horrified, "It's so unfair that you had to go through that."

"Yeah," she repeats hollowly, "I haven't let anyone touch me since."

"But I thought you were a player," I say, the words slipping through my lips unbidden. I realize that it wasn't the most sensitive or caring thing I could have said only after I blurt it out.

She chuckles drily, leaning back, "I can fuck other people, Spence. I just don't wanna be touched myself."

"Oh."

"Yeah," she says again, "Sucks that I can't let the woman I love get near me."

"Well," I say fairly, "You've certainly gotten close _to me_." Fuck, sound like some horny bastard. "And I know that we can work through this. I will never push you, Ashley. Well, not anymore. We can therapy or acupuncture or whatever. But seriously, dude, right now I wanna find this guy and stab him in the balls, so I'm a bit distracted."

"'Dude'?" she asks, hint of amusement in tone, "You consider me a dude? Bro, that hurts."

"Har har," I retort, "Would you rather me call you 'sweetums' or 'cutie-pie'?"

"Oh god. Definitely not." She finally starts relaxing in my arms, head resting on my shoulder.

"I do love you, you know," I tell her.

"Mmm, yeah. I love you too."

We lie in comparatively comfortable silence, snuggled together, until we fall back asleep.

**So yeah...tell me what you thought.**

**This was my plan from the beginning, so there will be a happy ending!**


	20. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the wait guys! Someone reminded me to update :)**

"Spencer, can you get the eggs out of the fridge?" Ashley asks, looking far too adorable in her 'kiss the cook' apron and little else. Actually, adorable is not the right word. Sexy, hot, and incredibly fuck-able are all more appropriate adjectives and I consider telling her such. But I wouldn't want her to think I was objectifying her and her kick-ass body...Her words don't even register with me, as I am too busy blatantly checking her out. Is it still demeaning to perv on her all the time if I love her?

Yeah, I know that I sound like I should join a fraternity. Can you really blame me? Have you seen my girlfriend?

The best part of this whole 'we're in love' arrangement is that I am completely allowed to eye-fuck her as often as I like. She is my girlfriend therefore it is within my rights to stare at her banging body whenever I choose. I'm pretty sure that's like provision made in the constitution.

Ashley wanted to go completely naked for her foray into erotic cooking (which, if it isn't a thing already, totally should be), but I had to intervene for safety reasons. Yes, it was a difficult decision. It took all of my willpower to put my lust in the back of my head when I demanded that my girlfriend at least wear a bra and boxers before tackling the dreaded gas burners. It only takes one scalded nipple before you decide that cooking should only be done whilst donning full firefighting gear.

"Are you listening to me?" Ashley says, sounding amused, "Or are you just staring at my ass?"

"Guilty," I respond, shrugging, "You shouldn't have demoted me to scullery maid or whatever. If my skills were being utilized to their full potential, then I wouldn't be so distracted. So really, it is all your fault. Just saying."

"Spencer, when I woke up, there was smoke everywhere, a small grease fire, and you somehow had managed to get scrambled eggs on the ceiling. You're lucky I'm even letting you be my kitchen assistant. You clearly cannot handle appliances or sharp objects."

"Well forgive me for trying to surprise you with a delicious breakfast! I thought it would be sweet to wake you up to a veritable feast of scrumptious foodstuffs. How was I supposed to know that you didn't actually need to put oil in the burner? You told me it was natural gas or something, and canola oil is pretty nature-y! And the only reason that the eggs were on the ceiling is because you surprised me so much that I threw your shoddy-lightweight pan upwards! No jury in the world would convict me."

"Yes, I suppose my screaming would scare the shit out of you. Kinda the same for me when I woke up to an empty bed and a haze of smoke and a god-awful smell!"

"You have a point," I concede, "But I think you can handle the cooking all by yourself. After all, a woman's place is in the kitchen."

"You're a woman," she points out, removing some eggs from the carton.

"And here I am, in the kitchen, waiting for _my woman_ to feed me!" I emphasize my statement with a smack on her ass. "Bam!"

"Oh, so I'm your woman, am I?"

"Yeah, you are...I can be very possessive when I want to." I say, leaning in for a kiss. She obliges but pulls away quickly, muttering something about burning toast. She's acting strange.

"Should we talk about last night?" I ask, wiping my syrup off my face with a napkin.

There is an elephant in the room, ruining an otherwise perfect meal. It's practically stampeding around, projectile shitting everywhere, and trumpeting loudly. True story.

Ashley is not acting like her usual self, to say the least. She isn't laughing at my admittedly unfunny jokes and won't maintain eye-contact. I can tell that she's bothered by something, and I'm no relationship Sherlock. The only logical conclusion that I can reach is that she is upset about yesterday evening when she poured her heart out.

"Um, do you think we need to?" Ashley says nervously, playing with her fork. Unlike me, her plate still has almost all of its contents.

"Well it seems like a pretty big thing, and I just want to clear the air. If you don't want to talk about it, then that's fine. You were pretty lowkey during breakfast, so I thought something might be up. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you just don't seem like yourself."

"Perhaps I was just lowkey because I was so tired from whipping up all this food and cleaning the mess that you made," she snaps, sounding genuinely annoyed. "Sometimes I feel like I'm dating a child!"

That jab hurts a bit, but I suck it up and ignore the comment.

"I'm sorry," I say evenly, standing up and grabbing our plates, "I'll clean up. I think I can manage to wash dishes without blowing the house up. I must have misinterpreted the signals; I was only trying to be considerate. But I really do think something is bothering you, and it's not going to get better if you don't tell me what I did wrong. Am I taking you for granted? Is that it? Or does it really bother you that I'm always checking you out and making semi-sexual remarks? Coz I can stop that, difficult as it may be. I'm not trying to be a terrible girlfriend, and I was under the impression that my puerile behavior was somehow endearing to you. Again, I'm sorry."

"Spence, stop," Ashley whispers, quietly but forcefully, "You're not doing anything wrong."

I'm unable to stop myself from rolling my eyes before I respond, "Um, I seem to be doing a lot wrong. You look like you're going to cry."

This does not help needless to say.

I sit back down and grab her hand. She tries to pull away, but I only grip tighter until she relaxes. "Hey, it's okay. We don't have to talk. We can just sit here and I will eventually figure out what's bothering you through osmosis. I have a woman's intuition and know the jedi mind tricks well. And if men can figure out what women are upset about, then I should do all right. ."

She lets out a choked sob at this, laughing almost hysterically as she tells me, "I'm serious, it's not you."

"Okay," I say calmly, nodding, "So we've ruled out one possibility. Only a few billion left to go. We have all the time in the world."

She bites her lip, teary-eyed, and doesn't say anything.

I consider the facts briefly. "Is it um-" I gesture towards her midsection, "That uh 'special time'? I feel like a douchy person with a dick when I ask, but it seems like a real possibility in the case..."

Ashley shakes her head, a faint smile playing on her lips. A step in the right direction!

"Hmm. We might be making progress here. Are you mad because I stole all of the blankets last night? Because you should know by now that I'm a total blanket thief. Like I cannot help but take every single square inch of that shit."

"No," she repeats, "It's not you. Or anything you do."

"Okay," I say, unable to keep the frustration out of my voice, "I'm not like a Houdini of feelings, Ash. I really wish you would just vocalize what's going on in your pretty little head."

"It's me," Ashley mumbles, pulling her hand away firmly, "I think I've messed up big time."

"Oh." I was not expecting that, considering I have pretty much the best girlfriend ever.

"I told you something that I shouldn't have."

"Oh," I say again, a feeling of dread welling up, "I think I know what you're saying."

"Yeah. I think it's best if we just pretend I didn't say anything."

"Okay," I agree, voice quiet. Then it all spills out as I begin to ramble, "I can totally pretend like you didn't tell me you loved me. Totally. There is totally no problem there at all. Don't worry. It will totally be okay. Unrequited love is pretty kick-ass according to popular culture. Kinda. I can work this angle. Definitely."

"What?" Ashley says, sounding shocked, "I wasn't referring to that, Spence. Of course I love you."

"Oh. Well that's good then. Cuz that completely just crushed me there. I mean, wow. Like a steam-roller of pain. It was like my mother told me she didn't love me. No wait, that sounds gross and Oedipal-y or Electra-y or whatever.." I pause, considering all of our conversations of the previous night. "I suppose that you mean that you wished that you hadn't told me about the whole party-sexual-assault thing."

"Yeah," she affirms, staring intensely at her plate. My first guess was right, score one for me.

"Do you mind telling me why?" I'm trying to keep my voice level and reasonable, though Ashley has jumped on the insanity train, in my opinion.

"Because I don't want you to break up with me!" she yells, finally showing some emotion, and punctuating her statement by slamming her fist on the table.

"What? That doesn't-that makes no sense! Why would I break up with you because of that? Seriously, what kind of terrible person would do that?"

"That would be my ex," Ashley tells me, folding her arms angrily. "Said that I had too many issues, that I wasn't really worth.

"Are you fucking serious? Was she like the literal spawn of Satan? Cuz that's like kicking a sick puppy in the face!" I make a mental note to add this shit-bag of a person to my hit list.

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Ashley says, "Pity!"

"No, I actually don't know what you're talking about! I'm baffled! First you said that I was immature and childish, then you implied that I'm some sort of asshole, and now you're acting like I think you're a charity case!"

"You really want honesty?" she retorts, sounded as infuriated as I feel.

"No, I'd rather you just lie to my face! Of course I want honesty!" I immediately regret letting my irritation show. Ashley is dealing with something pretty awful, and I need to be considerate. "Sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice. I understand that you having a tough time."

"Okay, you want to know the truth? Now that I've told you, you feel like you have to stay with me. I know it. You can't break up with 'pitiful needy Ashley'"

"I don't think that you're pitiful or needy, Ashley," I tell her firmly, "But I think you're being a bit irrational right now, and I say that as kindly as I can. I love you and want to help you and just want you to be happy. So that means that I see no reason to initiate a breakup. At all. Understand?"

"Do you really love me?" Ashley says bitterly, "Or was that just a knee-jerk reaction? You probably felt like you had to say it."

"No! Fuck no." Ashley continues to look at me disbelievingly.

I've never seen this side of Ashley, so the insecure, illogical girl in front of me is like a stranger. A stranger who is in the body of the girl I love. So I engulf her in a hug, not letting her go until she relaxes in my arms.

"Ashley, I've never told someone that I loved them before. Ever. I've never even been in love before, okay?"

She pulls away at this, and finally looks me in the eye, a hint of a smile appearing.

"So it meant something to me to tell you that, and it feels like you're throwing it in my face," I quickly race to to amend my words as I see her start to frown, "But that's okay, you believe me now. Right?"

"Yeah," Ashley says in agreement, "I do. Sorry about that, Spence." She rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"It's fine," I lie, "Didn't bother me at all. Well a little bit. You've been hurt a lot in the past, and you have angry right to be upset. Just try not to direct that at me in the future, because it makes it harder for me to help you."

"Okay...I really do love you, Spencer."

"I know," I say with a smile, "And as you told me, and I quote with a few amendments, 'I am still madly in love with you, and your past isn't going to change that.' Did I get that right?"

"Mmhmm," she says, beaming, "You really aren't childish."

"Eh, I don't know about that. I'm kinda childish."

"Well..maybe a bit...So are we okay?"

"Of course, Ash. By the way, was this our first fight?"

"Um, I guess so. Why?"

"Well," I say in my best seductive tone, trailing my finger across her chest, "Shouldn't we, um, _make up_?"

She nods, giving me a feral grin, "Definitely."

**Tell me what you think guys!**


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